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DISCIPLINE & THE BIBLE

By Eric Lee 2 Comments

Photo Credit: Paolo Signorini @ Flickr (CC)

In a poll taken on ChristiNet.com, the largest Christian portal, 85% of those believed it was in their rights to spank their children. Most quoted the “spare the rod, spoil the child” (Proverbs 13:24) verse as support for their stance. Many of those also said that spanking is okay “as long as it is done in moderation and without anger.” Others stated that they formed their opinions based on how they were disciplined as a child. Ten percent said they were against spanking. A lot of people in this group thought that spanking was not so much a form of discipline as it was physical harm. Their reasons were that it would encourage violence. One person commented that a timeout or other form of discipline made more sense. Five percent in the poll were unsure on the subject. Many of the unsure group were spanked as kids. There were mixed feelings about it. Sometimes those spanked felt they didn’t deserve it. Other comments made by this group were, “only as a last resort” or “it depends on what they did.”

What does the Bible say about discipline?

One of the most cited examples from the Bible regarding spanking is Proverbs 13:24. It reads, “Whoever spares the rod hates their children, but the one who loves their children is careful to discipline them.” (NIV)

In Parenting By The Book by John K. Rosemond. M.S., he says that there is a misunderstanding when it comes to the passages in the Bible about discipline. He quotes two specific passages that mention “the rod of discipline.”

Proverbs 22:15 — “Foolishness is bound in the heart of the child, but the rod of discipline will drive it far from him.”

Proverbs 23:13 — “Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you punish him with the rod, he will not die.”

Rosemond says that we must pay particular attention to the article (a or the) used in scripture. Also the context it is used is very important. The difference is literal versus metaphorical. According to Rosemond, usually when the phrase “a rod” is used, it is referring to an actual instrument such as a measuring stick, scepter, or shepherd’s staff. For example, Exodus 21:20 it says, “ If a man beats his male or female slave with a rod and the slave dies as a direct result he must be punished…” In this case, “a rod” is referring to an actual rod. However, usually when the Bible says “the rod” it actually means God’s righteousness. In Proverbs 23:13 it reads, “Do not withhold discipline from a child, if you punish him with the rod he will not die.” So in this case, the rod is more of a correction done verbally because God gives us authority as in Exodus 20:12 (Honor your father and mother). However, the problem comes when people get these two types of rods mixed up. Even then the issue is not black and white. As far as what the Bible says about actual examples of discipline, it really doesn’t give specific examples disciplining children. So how are we as Christian parents to decide a discipline strategy?

Chip Ingram (from Focus On The Family and one who believes it is okay to spank) gives some ideas in his seven-step process.:

Clear warning – the first interaction in discipline should always be verbal

Establish responsibility – Don’t ask why your child did something. Ask what he or she did wrong.

Avoid embarrassment – No yanking out of a restaurant booth or yelling at them in front of friends. Instead go to a private place.

Communicate grief – Show your child that you are sad that he or she disobeyed you.

Flick your wrist – The spanking should be to sting; not to injure.

Sincere repentence – Give your child some time to think about what he or she did wrong and then ask if your child wants to talk about it. Then ask with whom he or she need to make things right.

Unconditional love – After the spanking, hug your child and let him/her know that you forgive him/her.

Seeing both sides

We cannot look past other verses in the Bible that instruct us in how to act towards our children. Proverbs 15:1 says, “A gentle word turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”

1 Corinthians 13:4 says, “Love is patient. Love is kind….”

Grace to You at gty.org points out that we should not exasperate our children (Colossians 3:22) or they may lose heart. One of the ways we exasperate our children is by discipling them in ways that are abusing them physically, mentally, or verbally. For example being sarcastic, cruel, or resentful.

Not so black and white

Why are there differing opinions on spanking in the Christian community? I believe that part of it is how we were raised. I did not grow up in a Christian home, but my mom definitely spanked us. Because of this, I have no problem doing it to my child. She did so with more than her hand too. Other people like my friend Cesar did not grow up being spanked so that may have affected his earlier attitudes toward it. Some Christian parents use a “Three Strikes Rule.” That means that there are two warnings and then a swat on the behind comes.

I believe if there is a plan such as the “Three Strikes Rule” it is a good idea. Also, spanking in anger is not a proper approach to take because it sends the wrong message to children.

Spanking vs. other discipline

I had a further discussion with a couple at church, Cesar and Shelly, about their experiences and views on spanking.

Cesar said that he believes it is useful. He said that sometimes the timeout isn’t enough.

Cesar did not grow up being spanked as a child.

Shelly said that she believes that spanking works but only as a last resort. She would always spank on the butt. When I asked her if she believed spanking was Biblical, she said she wouldn’t say that.

Also she would always use her hand and not another instrument such as a ruler, yardstick, or wooden spoon. Shelly also thinks that spanking should be used more today because kids often disrespect their parents with little regard to timeouts or other forms of discipline.

My friends Linda and Evan have differing opinions on the subject. Linda does not believe In spanking. She did say that her dad would hit her and her brother with a Chinese feather duster on their legs. Her mom would slap her in the face. Linda thinks there are better ways to discipline besides physical discipline. She prefers giving and taking away privileges from her older son and using time outs for her younger one. Her husband Evan does believe in spanking. He experienced physical discipline as a child as well.

Another friend of mine Winston, an expectant father, recalls his discipline as a child.

“I am not in favor of spanking. I was ‘spanked’ with those bamboo back scratchers as a kid. They hurt like hell, and I suppose it worked on me. But I can say I would not do that to my own children. When I got hit, I knew it was because I caused trouble or did something wrong, but it was never explained to me. I think discipline is more about communication and showing grace, especially to children. To me, disciplining with the ‘reed’ so-to-speak, or using pain, is like bullying. Plus it seems more like a convenient thing to spank vs. spend the time to talk it out and try to help the child reason it out, and help them integrate the cognitive and emotional aspect of what they did wrong. Of course, firmness in tone and minimal anger are important, but the use of some kind of physical force strays further from teaching a child the true nature of discipline, and just mirrors the violence we all end up seeing on tv, video games, etc. I believe parents have full right to discipline as they see fit, as long as it is not abusive. In my household, there will be no spanking.”

My friend Karen, a mother of three, is also against spanking. She takes a more scientific approach on it. She said, “Cortisol is released when you spank a kid according to UCLA study. Cortisol also kills brain cells, based on new book interview on NPR last year. I think the book is called The Whole-Brain Child: 12 Revolutionary Strategies to Nurture Your Child’s Developing Mind. I also believe in time outs, positive enforcements, take away rewards for older children.”

There are also hundreds of peer reviewed journals that show that spanking has negative effects for children such as antisocial behavior, mental illness like depression, acting more aggressively, having a less close relationship with parents, and abuse.

Another friend of mine, Wendy, says, “I do spank my kids at the same time I explain to them why I spank them. I also do time out and take away privileges. None of the three really prevent them from repeating their wrongdoing. So depending of the situation and the personality of my kids, I use all or one of the disciplinary methods on them.”

Jennifer, a mother of three, had this to say, “Against popular belief, I believe there is strong biblical evidence supporting the truth that there are times where correction should be accompanied by the rod, and that it should be applied. God’s Word instructs us to apply and not withhold physical discipline from a child. Not in the form of abuse of course, but a light spank on the butt or hand will drive foolishness away and teach wisdom to your child, says Proverbs (the book of wisdom) over and over again. One specific example is Proverbs 23:13 “Do not withhold disipline from a child; if you punish him with the rod, he will not die.”

Final analysis

I find myself really re-thinking my original position on this topic. My first thoughts are to follow the example of my parents: to spank. However, as I read the positions of my friends, I am reminded there needs to be some reasoning and explanation that goes along with any form of discipline. For example, when you give a time out to a child, he or she needs to know what they did wrong. In the case of spanking, warnings need to be given. There also needs to be some forgiveness and understanding when our children do something we don’t deem appropriate. After a time out, I always hug my son Elijah and tell him that I love him. I also agree that as a parent, I need to catch myself when I’m about to do or say something in the heat of the moment. A lot of it is letting the little things go and letting my son do things that aren’t necessarily really bad. Some examples are things like playing with ropes in line at Disneyland, touching things in the store, or running back and forth around the house. I need to pick my battles so to speak. For me, it just all comes down to having a game plan and being consistent with it. In closing, I realize that children are different and some things work with one that don’t necessarily work with another. Ultimately, the discipline style is up to each of us as parents.

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Filed Under: Connect, Life Together Tagged With: Issue 18

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Comments

  1. Sharon Atkinson says

    September 3, 2013 at 5:57 am

    My personal opinion on spanking I have dealt with abuse in my life I really believe it sends forth a wrong message to the child, what I do as a mother grandmother and great grandmother or a leader of a Sunday school class is, I pray for the Holy Spirit to come and dwell in the child I can honestly say that He does He is our comforter so why would we not ask him to comfort and change the child’s attitude, I can say the ways of God are different from my ways, this is just food for thought but try it you may like, I really try to move in the spirit more than in the flesh, I love victory over satan, I give God all the glory, pointing out their mistakes makes a difference by the way my father gave me 2 spankings in my life I know I did deserve and I never forgot, also I probably gave my own 3 children 2-3 spankings in their lives but I chose to speak with them I praise God for the love we have for one another , but my grandchildren I am sorry to say they seem to have full rule over their parents unfortunately they do not have salvation, they are following the ways of the world, but my prayer is one day they will know the truth for this generation there has been a reversal in the parenting roles the children are telling the parents what they are going to do, and the parents seem to just say well you know they are just teenagers, the Bible teaches us to teach them’ we are the parents they are the children, let’s us not forget we are the parents they are the children, we have Godly knowledge let us use the Word to go forth to bring this generation to the place of respect for one another. Holy Spirit power is powerful.
    but I still praise God for who He is and change will come for I know prayer changes everything. Blessing s to all who read or consider this.

    Reply
  2. Sam says

    December 3, 2013 at 8:34 am

    It isn’t ironic that so much has been changed regarding discipline and even how we worship and teach in church but morals keep going downhill. Tradition or “old ways” are condemned, but what has all the new ideas brought us?

    God’s Word is evaluated and re-evaluated when it is apparent what we should do and what actions are to be taken. As a teacher and father, discipline starts in the home, is re-enforced in the church with biblical teaching, and the results will be manifested at school and in society as a whole.

    GET BACK TO BASICS.

    Reply

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We are faced with a challenge: to make God the cen We are faced with a challenge: to make God the center and purpose of our lives in a world of demands. God asks us to listen for his voice, and it’s no wonder why he chose to speak to Elijah in a “still, small voice” in 1 Kings 19:12-13. He doesn’t always shout at us because he wants us to choose to listen, to put other things aside so that all of our focus is towards discerning his will in the specifics of our lives. We have his will for us in general, as communicated in the Bible, which is to make disciples of all nations, to glorify the one true God, to serve no other gods, to love our neighbors as ourselves, etc., but sometimes we need to figure out how those general plans fit the specifics of our lives. Hearing God’s voice is part of how we relate to him, but in those moments of uncertainty, quieting ourselves becomes even more important.⁠
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"Remembering God's promises and his faithfulness a "Remembering God's promises and his faithfulness as a community will help us to endure our sorrows for the night, for joy comes in the morning." @slimkeman from his article The Beauty of Community & The Beast of Isolation 🌤 Can you name some of God's promises that keep you encouraged and grounded? We'd love to hear in the comments below - and just maybe it might be the hope someone else is needing right now! 🤗⁠
“Every night I lie in bed, the brightest colors “Every night I lie in bed, the brightest colors fill my head. A million dreams are keepin’ me awake. I think of what the world could be, a vision of the one I see. A million dreams is all it’s gonna take. A million dreams for the world we’re gonna make.” ⁠
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As P.T. Barnum sings these words to Charity in the beautiful montage of their young lives, we are captivated by the hope that they share, the possibilities of their bright future, and the chance of their love overcoming the wall between privilege and poverty that keeps them apart. The Greatest Showman asks us to wrestle with the quest for the holy grail of our modern world: success and happiness. ⁠
What is the good life? If a million of our wildest dreams came true, would we truly be happy?⁠
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In Jesus, we find a man who invites us into his presence with these words: “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest” (Matthew 11:28). He is the only one who can fill “the infinite abyss” of desire in our souls. When you have fully devoted yourself and your dreams to your Creator, you will discover that “everything you ever want” and “everything you ever need” is “right here in front of you” in Christ Jesus.⁠
{Steve Limekman}⁠
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✍🏼: by @slimkeman in “The Greatest Showman”  Continue reading at newidentitymagazine.com by clicking on the link in our bio ⁠
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📸: from newidentitymagazine
Every day in sub-Saharan Africa, one child in ten Every day in sub-Saharan Africa, one child in ten under the age of five dies of a preventable cause, and nearly every day in America eight in ten adults consume coffee. What do these numbers have to do with each other? A lot, according to the One Cup Project, which is using America’s love for coffee to reduce the number of children dying in Africa by converting coffee profits into life-saving aid.⁠
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The One Cup Project started in 2010, when Christian Kar, the founder of an award-winning Seattle-based coffee company, partnered with the Christian humanitarian aid organization, World Vision.Remarkably, every dollar spent on One Cup Coffee generates a dollar of aid for Africa.⁠
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Buy some coffee, put up a post on your Facebook page, ask your church, local café, or workplace to change their coffee, or run a One Cup Fundraiser. In doing so, you just may help hurting people find healing, hope, and life. Change the world for the better, one cup at a time.⁠
{Thame Fuller}⁠
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✍🏼: @thamefuller in “One Cup Project”  Continue reading at newidentitymagazine.com by clicking on the link in our bio or click on this link to take you directly to the One Cup website: https://onecup.org/our-story/⁠
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📸: by @AftaPuta from Pexels
When someone accepts Jesus, they leave their old p When someone accepts Jesus, they leave their old priorities behind and make Jesus the center of their life. Jesus calls each of us to share the good news with the world. He came to give living water to a thirsty world, and we have the honor and privilege of sharing his message by the power of the Holy Spirit (John 7:37-39).⁠
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The most important thing you can do is enter each conversation with a posture of prayer. Pray for the person you’re sharing with, that God would open their heart to accept him. Pray that God would give you the words to say. And a loving way to say them.⁠
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Expect God to work in your relationship and use you to share Jesus through your friendship in his own timing. No matter how long you have been a believer, you can share Jesus with the confidence that he is with you and that he will use you for his glory.⁠
{Eric Gulley}⁠
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✍🏼: Eric Gulley in “Sharing Your Faith”  Continue reading at newidentitymagazine.com by clicking on the link in our bio ⁠
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📸: by @OliverSjostrom from Pexels
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