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Building A Better Me

By Chelsea Swecker Leave a Comment

I think I’ll jump in right where the story gets good. I have many chapters in my life that influenced who I am now, just like all of you. We have all been children before and on the same journey of figuring out what we believe about ourselves. At an early age, we decide if we are inherently good or inherently bad based upon our life experiences. My life experiences as a darling little girl taught me that I was inherently bad, so that is what I partnered with and believed about myself for most of my life. I’m sure many of you can relate. With that being said, I spent 20+ years of life trying to fix the problem called “me.” I didn’t know exactly which part of me was bad or wrong, but it became my life mission to figure out how to get rid of the bad and only be the good. My hope was that if I could fix myself and be “good enough” then maybe then I would be loved by God, others, and hopefully one day I could even love myself. 

I accepted Christ as a 7 year old girl, being held under water by a childhood friend in my grandmother’s pool. Of course he didn’t know I was running out of air, we were just kids being kids and rough housing was the name of the game for this tomboy. But that moment made me question my eternity and where I would go if I were to die, so I asked God to save me physically and spiritually all in a split second. Oddly enough, I’m grateful for that experience because it was the beginning of the best decision I’ve ever made in life. After I prayed for God to save me, obviously he did and I’m here to write about it now. I don’t remember the details of how I got away from the other kid, but I do remember feeling very aware of heaven and a closeness to God’s voice that I now had access to. 

That decision to accept Christ definitely assured my eternity, but it took years of studying scripture, maturing with age, and growing in my relationship with God to know that salvation was just the starting line. There was an entire race ahead of me called life that I would journey through with the Holy Spirit living in me. Because I was saved at an early age all of the mistakes, sins, successes, wins and growth were inevitably going to be with God rather than apart from him. Talk about unconditional love! What a love story our relationship has been. 

There have been seasons that were bliss and some where I was so afraid to hear his voice because I just knew he was going to ask something more of me. Something scary, embarrassing, something that caused me anxiety, or dying in some way, but I thought if I didn’t obey, God would no longer love me, hence came obedience out of duty rather than love for God. That level of obedience only lasted for a short while until I felt like a slave to a commanding officer and then I stopped wanting to hear his voice. Little did I know, the filter I was using to hear him speak through was blurred by an orphan spirit that convinced me that I needed to earn my keep in the kingdom. I so desired to be God’s favorite and I thought the way to earn that place in his heart was to work really hard. I practiced all of the spiritual disciplines to earn love, but I would only feel like I had earned enough love to get me though that day until tomorrow came and then I would need to go harder in the paint to earn more love. Exhausting, right?! 

Comparison became a real issue as well. I wasn’t really concerned with comparing myself to those with beautiful faces and toned bodies, although that snuck in sometimes. I mostly compared myself to those who were living as missionaries, suffering for the Gospel, who lived in extreme poverty because of their love for God and obedience to the call on their lives. I’m sure you can imagine what that did to my heart. I was a daughter of God that didn’t know she was a daughter. The love deficit was the root of all of the performance in my life and it wasn’t something I could fix or satisfy on my own. With deep grief I laid down my performance one day at a time and started receiving God’s love without earning it. I was ready to learn if God really loved me without all of the striving and as scary as it was, I laid down full-time ministry and serving in any capacity to heal the root of this problem once and for all. 

For the past two years I’ve been on a journey of healing with the Lord. He has convinced me that I am good just as I am. I am loved whenever I’m leading people to Christ on the side of the road, or lying in bed adding to my Pinterest boards. I never knew that he liked what I like, and enjoyed the things that I enjoy. I also would have never guessed that he appreciated my creativity or valued me having fun. Of course I still value obedience and serving others, but the motive is what he changed for me. My obedience is from the position of being a daughter first and not a slave. I’m serving from love now, rather than for love. There is a big difference. 

The highs were high and the lows were low. At times I felt like God’s love for me was so beyond my comprehension that my body was going to explode, and other times I didn’t know if my suppressed heartache would ever go away. There were cracks in the foundation of my beliefs that needed to be replaced with truth. God was so kind and faithful to meet me right where I was and bring me out of that pit I was in. If you can relate to my story and you feel like an orphan rather than a child who is a part of the family of God, I want to invite you to start each day by asking God what he thinks of you. Allow your heart to have a voice and then invite the Holy Spirit to tell you the truth about how He sees you. Believe what Christ says. You are good. You are created in his image. His love for you cannot be revoked. Receive more of his love each day and allow him to be the surgeon of your heart. I know with assurance that he is faithful to bring you into his truth and it will set your heart free.


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Filed Under: Featured, Grow, Growth & Maturity Tagged With: Issue 40

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Our striving to be like Jesus or do his work on ou Our striving to be like Jesus or do his work on our own is in vain. We can never hope to achieve the same level that Jesus was on while we are still here on Earth. We’re like little kids, struggling just to walk. But that’s why Jesus gave us an example of redeemed followers in the form of the Apostles, who were his close group of students here on Earth. He chose a group of broken, sinful men, and ultimately shaped them into the group responsible for continuing his ministry here on Earth. ⁠
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✍🏽: Tim VanDeWalker in "Running By Example" | Continue reading at newidentitymagazine.com⁠ by visiting the link in our bio and tapping on the image.⁠
"Do your little bit of good where you are; it's th "Do your little bit of good where you are; it's those little bits of good put together that overwhelm the world." –Desmond Tutu
The Bible tells us to live in the world, but not t The Bible tells us to live in the world, but not to become like it. The New Living Translation puts it this way, “Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think” (Rom. 12:2a). Some have interpreted this as an instruction to reject anything that isn’t explicitly Christian. But I don’t think that’s what this verse is getting at. I think it means much more.⁠
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✍🏽: Lindsey Beharry in "Choosing Wisely" | Continue reading at newidentitymagazine.com⁠ by visiting the link in our bio and tapping on the image.⁠
If you desire to serve, seek to form groups withou If you desire to serve, seek to form groups without age distinction. Maybe you want to form a group in your church. Avoid just inviting members from your age group. Seek out people older and younger than you to invite to meet together. Find that person who sits alone and talk to her or him. Instead of a focus on building groups that have the same characteristics to “relate” with one another, you center your discussion in the work of Christ. He will bring the group together. ⁠
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✍🏽: Russell Almand in "Community and Age Diversity" | Continue reading at newidentitymagazine.com⁠ by visiting the link in our bio and tapping on the image.⁠
"If we put our faith in temporal things, they will "If we put our faith in temporal things, they will inevitably let us down. They were never meant to be enough for us. Not alone. When Barnum finally does hit bottom, he recognizes that his heart has been led astray, fooled into thinking that fame or fortune could satisfy him."⁠
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"Porn. We are only now beginning to realize the ex "Porn. We are only now beginning to realize the extent of its effects on the brain, relationships, and society at a time when sexually explicit content is just a click away. Christians have recognized pornography’s negative impact for decades, yet it is still often considered a “male” problem within the Church. This can leave women who struggle with porn addiction feeling isolated and alone. The organization SheRecovery (formerly Dirty Girls Ministries) aims to change that and has become a resource for women with porn addiction. You can read more about their ministry at the link in our bio. ⁠
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"The presence of my sin reminds me of my great nee "The presence of my sin reminds me of my great need for grace, and good works are the outpouring of a grateful heart; being a good child is not a means of earning the favor of God."⁠
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"As Christians, we identify ourselves not only by "As Christians, we identify ourselves not only by how we handle our daily lives, much like those around us, but also by an added component: our faith. How we pray and worship and spend time with our fellow followers provides additional meaning to our lives."⁠
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Often I picture Jesus telling us to love others an Often I picture Jesus telling us to love others and not to judge. I forget that when he said, “Come follow me,” he wasn’t just inviting us to a strict set of rules but to a real and exciting life whether you turn out to be a pastor, a doctor, designer or simply “Dad.” Sometimes I forget one of his main messages was that he came to give us a better life than we could ever dream of—life to the fullest. Jesus wasn’t locking us down to a vocation or job title. It’s as if he was saying, “Real, vibrant life is available to you now. Following me, loving me and living like me is your real calling…the rest is just there to aid you in following, loving and living.”⁠
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✍🏽: Wendy Van Eyck in "Living For A Purpose" | Continue reading at newidentitymagazine.com⁠ by visiting the link in our bio and tapping on the image.⁠
Like Morpheus, I want to “show you how deep the Like Morpheus, I want to “show you how deep the rabbit hole goes.” There is yet another parallel between the Christian story and The Matrix, simultaneously the most foundational and the most captivating. It’s that something which is missing, something which is not quite right with the world. You can’t quite put your finger on it, but you know that it’s there. At the outset of the first film, Neo is searching for it. Trinity asserts that “it’s the question that drives us.” Morpheus claims that “you can see it when you look out your window or when you turn on your television. You can feel it when you go to work, when you go to church, when you pay your taxes.” The question is: What if I’ve only ever scratched the surface of all that life has to offer? What if there is a deeper, truer current of reality, ever-present behind all of my life’s experiences, to which I might awaken at any moment?⁠
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"I’ve always been intrigued by Augustine because "I’ve always been intrigued by Augustine because we all struggle with temptations to sin. And we all struggle to live in a way that honors God. Like Augustine we all feel the tug of our past sins that say, 'Don’t you want to enjoy us?' And Augustine’s story relates to Galatians 5:16-26 where Paul tells us about how the Christian life is like a walk. In a way, walking is a metaphor for the Christian life." ⁠
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"The Holy Spirit empowers us for Christ-like livin "The Holy Spirit empowers us for Christ-like living, and for serving others." Where in your life or in what ways has the Spirit enabled you this week? We'd love to hear, tell us in the comments below!⁠
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