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IDENTIFY: Advice On Life, Faith & Relationships

By Lindsey A. Frederick Leave a Comment

Dear Lindsey,

I’ve been a Christian for a little while now, but I have to admit: I don’t really like to pray. It’s not that I don’t want to, it’s just that I have a hard time staying focused. Some people say they can hear or feel God talk to them, but I don’t feel anything. It makes me wonder if I am doing it right. Do I have to pray to be a good Christian?

–Unimpressed by Prayer

Dear Unimpressed,

Can I tell you a secret? I’ve considered myself a Christian for more than 30 years, and I still struggle to pray. But I’ve learned some things about prayer over the years—mostly about what it is not—that have helped me.

Prayer is Not Easy

First, prayer is not easy. You’ve already discovered this. Talking to God is simple, but like any discipline (and prayer is a discipline), sometimes it can feel like a chore. To use a cliché, it’s like going to the gym: You may not want to go—you grumble at the idea of lifting that weight or running that mile. It’s hard. It’s uncomfortable. Sometimes it even hurts. But you know it’s good for you and you like the overall effect of working out. Day by day, as your muscles break down they become stronger, fat melts away, and you feel healthier from the inside out.

Prayer is similar. It can be tough to focus. Sometimes the silence of prayer feels downright loud as other thoughts, worries, fears, and even painful moments flood your brain. How are you supposed to get your mind and your heart in a place of gratitude, confession, and praise? Philippians 4:6 tells us, “Don’t worry about anything, but pray about everything. With thankful hearts offer up your prayers and requests to God” (CEV). Through consistency and intention your focus will gradually strengthen and that challenging silence may even begin to feel like home.

Prayer Doesn’t Make You Good (or Bad), It Makes You Better

Speaking of challenges, prayer does not make you a good or bad Christian. So let’s remove the pressure to be perfect Christians. Jesus came to rescue imperfect people. Prayer is an opportunity to embrace our daily challenges, to identify and sort out the things in your life that are broken—the pain of a failed relationship, a split family, a trail of bad decisions, health challenges—and to ask God to change the way we think about or view these situations; to find guidance on how we should address them or how we should change our own behaviors. All this to bring us healing and wholeness, which leads me to my next point.

God Doesn’t Need You to Pray

Prayer is not for God. He already knows what you need, and he already knows what you’re going to tell him. I know what you’re thinking, If God already knows what I am going to say, what’s the point of praying? Easy, Grasshopper. I know this idea makes the prayer thing confusing, but here’s one way to look at it: God relates himself to us as a father figure (among other things). Most parents already know what their children need before they need it or ask for it. But, as a child matures, the responsibility to make their request becomes their own. In the act of asking, the child is learning important life skills: how to identify, talk about, take responsibility for their feelings, and how to assess their needs in order to get them met in safe relationships.

Prayer helps you learn those same spiritual life skills with a couple of added benefits. Prayer is designed to interrupt the chaotic rhythms of life. It brings us to the present moment and teaches us to slow down, breathe deep, and filter your life through a lens of gratitude. Prayer benefits the one praying, deepening your bond with God by bringing your thoughts, your will, and your desires in line with the purposes he has for you.

There Are Many Ways to Pray

Finally, there is no “one-size-fits-all” way to pray. You can literally pray any time, anywhere, in any way. And knowing yourself is part of discovering how you best connect with God. For me, praying out loud is like sending a Tweet—I have so few words. But with a journal and a pen, I’ll write God a letter. I know people who paint their prayers, write songs and poetry, or simply sit in silence. There are tons of prayer expressions and methods developed through the ages, from praying the scriptures (Lectio Divina), to personal examination (The Examen), and even visualization (Ignatian Method). The Living Prayer Center on theupper.org is a helpful resource to read up on these methods.

If you struggle with what or how to pray, remember: there is no one to impress. The Book of Matthew warns about “practicing your religion in front of people to draw their attention” (6:1a). We get twisted up, thinking those with the most elegant prayers must be the most spiritual. Maybe they are. Or maybe they’re gifted speakers. God is more interested in your fumbling, tongue-tied sincerity, than your eloquence.

Just like there are many ways to pray, there are many ways God communicates to you. You may not hear him right now, and that’s OK. Even the famous Mother Teresa felt she didn’t always hear God, yet she understood that he is always present. When an interviewer asked what she prayed about, she answered “I listen.” When asked what God said to her, she answered, “He listens. And if you don’t understand that, I can’t explain it to you.” Prayer is an invitation to be present with God. Even when we don’t literally hear words, the act helps shape us to live and behave in the wise, gracious, and loving way that reflects a wise, gracious, and loving God. But don’t just listen for his voice; look for it. I see God’s voice in books and articles, in texts from friends, in quotes on Instagram. There’s no limit to the way God can speak to you.

I can’t say you’ll ever experience a mystical feeling when you pray (but I can’t say you won’t), because sometimes—maybe even most times—prayer is practical and even mundane. But I think that’s the point. Jeremiah 29:13 says, “Seek me and you will find me when you seek me with all your heart.” In the practice and sincerity of seeking God through your own communication style, you will find him in ways that are personal and meaningful to you.

 

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Filed Under: Connect, Featured, Life Together Tagged With: Issue 37

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Our striving to be like Jesus or do his work on ou Our striving to be like Jesus or do his work on our own is in vain. We can never hope to achieve the same level that Jesus was on while we are still here on Earth. We’re like little kids, struggling just to walk. But that’s why Jesus gave us an example of redeemed followers in the form of the Apostles, who were his close group of students here on Earth. He chose a group of broken, sinful men, and ultimately shaped them into the group responsible for continuing his ministry here on Earth. ⁠
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✍🏽: Tim VanDeWalker in "Running By Example" | Continue reading at newidentitymagazine.com⁠ by visiting the link in our bio and tapping on the image.⁠
"Do your little bit of good where you are; it's th "Do your little bit of good where you are; it's those little bits of good put together that overwhelm the world." –Desmond Tutu
The Bible tells us to live in the world, but not t The Bible tells us to live in the world, but not to become like it. The New Living Translation puts it this way, “Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think” (Rom. 12:2a). Some have interpreted this as an instruction to reject anything that isn’t explicitly Christian. But I don’t think that’s what this verse is getting at. I think it means much more.⁠
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✍🏽: Lindsey Beharry in "Choosing Wisely" | Continue reading at newidentitymagazine.com⁠ by visiting the link in our bio and tapping on the image.⁠
If you desire to serve, seek to form groups withou If you desire to serve, seek to form groups without age distinction. Maybe you want to form a group in your church. Avoid just inviting members from your age group. Seek out people older and younger than you to invite to meet together. Find that person who sits alone and talk to her or him. Instead of a focus on building groups that have the same characteristics to “relate” with one another, you center your discussion in the work of Christ. He will bring the group together. ⁠
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✍🏽: Russell Almand in "Community and Age Diversity" | Continue reading at newidentitymagazine.com⁠ by visiting the link in our bio and tapping on the image.⁠
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"Porn. We are only now beginning to realize the ex "Porn. We are only now beginning to realize the extent of its effects on the brain, relationships, and society at a time when sexually explicit content is just a click away. Christians have recognized pornography’s negative impact for decades, yet it is still often considered a “male” problem within the Church. This can leave women who struggle with porn addiction feeling isolated and alone. The organization SheRecovery (formerly Dirty Girls Ministries) aims to change that and has become a resource for women with porn addiction. You can read more about their ministry at the link in our bio. ⁠
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"The presence of my sin reminds me of my great nee "The presence of my sin reminds me of my great need for grace, and good works are the outpouring of a grateful heart; being a good child is not a means of earning the favor of God."⁠
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"As Christians, we identify ourselves not only by "As Christians, we identify ourselves not only by how we handle our daily lives, much like those around us, but also by an added component: our faith. How we pray and worship and spend time with our fellow followers provides additional meaning to our lives."⁠
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Often I picture Jesus telling us to love others an Often I picture Jesus telling us to love others and not to judge. I forget that when he said, “Come follow me,” he wasn’t just inviting us to a strict set of rules but to a real and exciting life whether you turn out to be a pastor, a doctor, designer or simply “Dad.” Sometimes I forget one of his main messages was that he came to give us a better life than we could ever dream of—life to the fullest. Jesus wasn’t locking us down to a vocation or job title. It’s as if he was saying, “Real, vibrant life is available to you now. Following me, loving me and living like me is your real calling…the rest is just there to aid you in following, loving and living.”⁠
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Like Morpheus, I want to “show you how deep the Like Morpheus, I want to “show you how deep the rabbit hole goes.” There is yet another parallel between the Christian story and The Matrix, simultaneously the most foundational and the most captivating. It’s that something which is missing, something which is not quite right with the world. You can’t quite put your finger on it, but you know that it’s there. At the outset of the first film, Neo is searching for it. Trinity asserts that “it’s the question that drives us.” Morpheus claims that “you can see it when you look out your window or when you turn on your television. You can feel it when you go to work, when you go to church, when you pay your taxes.” The question is: What if I’ve only ever scratched the surface of all that life has to offer? What if there is a deeper, truer current of reality, ever-present behind all of my life’s experiences, to which I might awaken at any moment?⁠
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"I’ve always been intrigued by Augustine because "I’ve always been intrigued by Augustine because we all struggle with temptations to sin. And we all struggle to live in a way that honors God. Like Augustine we all feel the tug of our past sins that say, 'Don’t you want to enjoy us?' And Augustine’s story relates to Galatians 5:16-26 where Paul tells us about how the Christian life is like a walk. In a way, walking is a metaphor for the Christian life." ⁠
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