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Worthy of Relationship

By Ashley High Leave a Comment

Stephanie and husband Shomari in their Salvation Army shelter room. Photo courtesy of Stephanie Tillman

She was six years old when her mother abandoned her and took off for Florida. She was 22 the Valentine’s Day when her drug dealer boyfriend dumped her and their newborn son on the couch while he left to play basketball with friends. She was 26 when she moved into Room 4 at the local homeless shelter. And she was 33 last year when her graphic design company grew 553% and she happily celebrated her seventh wedding anniversary with her husband.         

Now, in 2011, Stephanie’s fingers fly over her bright pink laptop as yet another email pings into her inbox. “I know God gave me this graphic design company so I can provide low-cost products to ministries and to others who can’t normally afford graphic design,” she says. “And I want to bring hope to the world by telling my story–which I’ve named Homeless to Greatness.”     

Stephanie twists toward the printer; her floor-length blue dress accentuates her loose blonde curls and her sometimes-green, sometimes-blue eyes as her heavy silver necklace clicks against the desk. Her swift, vibrant movements are infused with energy and absolute confidence that life is good. William High, one of Stephanie’s clients, notes, “When I first met Stephanie, I was impressed by her fearlessness and optimism […] She always has a mischievous smile on her face and a glint in her eye. Her ‘can do’ attitude coupled with this energy is infectious and attractive to clients.”     

In the main office where a half dozen people are at work, a painted orange wave springs up the wall from behind a startlingly white couch. Floating on the wave is the word “ikros.” Stephanie’s company has a name, an identity. And for the first time in almost 34 years, Stephanie can say the same for herself: “I now understand who God created me to be,” she explains. “When I look in mirror, I see my reflection as who I am in God.”     

It has not always been this way.     

“If I had been worthy, perhaps my mom wouldn’t have left me and moved to Florida,” 6-year-old Stephanie reasoned, unable to factor in her mom’s adult reasons for leaving. Stephanie’s thoughts continued, “If my mom thinks I’m unworthy, other people must think that also.”     

Stephanie’s parents’ divorce split her life into two worlds. Every summer she left her dad’s home in Missouri and flew to Florida to visit her mom. Because Stephanie spent so much time away from home, she missed out on all the things that cement childhood friendships…summer camps, slumber parties, and whispered secrets.     

In the midst of this tension between her families and friendships, Stephanie retreated from conflict and desperately tried to find worth within herself. She made decent grades and stayed out of trouble in school, but her dad and stepmom always managed to find a reason to ground her or to keep her from doing activities other kids participated in.     

“Before she turned 21, she was engaged; however, her parents did not approve. Still trapped by her controlling parents, she left her fiancé. But once she turned 21, something snapped. Stephanie began drinking and partying, declaring that her parents could not dominate her any longer. “I was trying to fill the ‘unworthy’ void,” Stephanie says.     

That October, one of her girlfriends asked Stephanie to attend the homecoming game. And there, Stephanie saw him: a tall African-American young man wearing camouflage pants and a black hoodie.     

At a party later that night, she ran into the same guy. He introduced himself as Shomari and asked her to dance. After attempting to pawn him off onto her girlfriend, she agreed.     

Shortly afterward, Stephanie and Shomari entered a relationship—soon they were smoking weed and drinking together. But regardless of what they did on Saturday night, Shomari always drove to church the next morning to play the drums. “Shomari was my first glimpse of a relationship with God,” Stephanie recalls, “I didn’t understand how he made it to church. I was usually so hung over that I could not remember anything from the night before.”     

“I thought I’d let everyone down because I couldn’t even take care of my family. There was nothing that could have broken me any further. But there was also something hopeful. I began to see that God had a plan for us. And I didn’t feel like I had to fight for love. For the first time in my life, I felt like I had a family.”

Stephanie Tillman

About six months later, Stephanie became pregnant. But this did nothing for her rapidly disintegrating relationship with Shomari. “If there wasn’t a [romantic] relationship involved, we would have been the best road dogs…We were each other’s best friend and worst enemy. However, since there was a relationship, it was rough. Rough to the point that we got into physical fights, rough to the point that I once tried to run over Shomari,” Stephanie says.     

In December 1998, their daughter Desiree was born. “I was a crazy baby momma,” Stephanie declares, “If Shomari wasn’t with me and Desiree every moment, I felt unworthy.”     

Even after Desiree’s birth, Shomari continued to sell drugs, something he’d been doing even before meeting Stephanie. Stephanie remembers, “There were enough drugs in his car to send him to jail for life. He was probably supplying weed for the entire campus [where he attended college].”     Then, in February 2000, their son Isaiah was born. On Valentine’s Day, Shomari drove Stephanie and the new baby home, and then he left to play basketball for the afternoon. Stephanie just sat on the couch with her children and cried. She was terrified because she didn’t know what would happen or how her family would survive.     

A year later, in May 2001, Shomari graduated from college and relocated to Columbia, Missouri alone to continue the drug lifestyle with his friends. Stephanie begged Shomari to give her money to move to the nearby Kansas City because she wanted her kids to know their dad. She knew Shomari would commute between Columbia and Kansas City to see his children. Once in Kansas City, Stephanie’s family looked fine outwardly: she lived in a good neighborhood, obtained a steady job at a pool hall, and shortly afterward, Shomari finally resettled in Kansas City.     

One day, Shomari’s mother invited Stephanie to church. At first, Stephanie hesitated. She knew what others did not see—weed, cocaine, and wet (embalming fluid laced with PCP) filled Stephanie’s house. However, she finally agreed to go.     

At church that night, a young woman gave her testimony about almost dying of a drug overdose. As the girl spoke, Stephanie thought, “That girl could be me!” Stephanie walked to the altar in tears and turned her life over to Christ. But once she returned home, she found Shomari in the exact place she left him—unchanged.     

The next month, Shomari was arrested after a night out at a club. With Shomari in jail, Stephanie had to quit her job to watch her kids. She spent the rest of the month watching her children and praying while their already-low cash supply rapidly disappeared.     

Meanwhile, Shomari met a minister in jail who encouraged Shomari to return to God. Upon Shomari’s release, he and Stephanie looked at each other: “Are we going to do this together or should we separate and just have visitation rights?” They decided to stick it out. In what Stephanie calls “the first adult decision of our relationship,” they purchased a marriage license with money borrowed from a friend. On July 1, 2002, they celebrated their marriage in a park complete with a beautiful sunset and a total of three wedding pictures.     

The Tillman family outside their Salvation Army room.

After their wedding, Stephanie and Shomari had no place to turn. Their landlord was evicting them, Shomari could not find a job, and 9/11 had turned the economy upside down. However, the Tillmans clearly heard God telling them to pack their things and then, to be still. A few days later, the Salvation Army called. Somehow, they knew about Stephanie’s situation and had a place for them. So, a week after Stephanie’s wedding, her family moved into Room 4 at the Johnson County Family Lodge that housed nine other homeless families.     

“I was so embarrassed and humiliated,” Stephanie says. “I thought I’d let everyone down because I couldn’t even take care of my family. There was nothing that could have broken me any further. But there was also something hopeful. I began to see that God had a plan for us. And I didn’t feel like I had to fight for love. For the first time in my life, I felt like I had a family.”     

After four months in the homeless shelter, the Salvation Army helped Stephanie and Shomari find jobs and move into a duplex. Those first days outside the shelter were difficult. Stephanie recalls one week when she needed orange juice for her kids’ colds. She spent twenty minutes in the grocery store staring at the juice and wrestling with God because she did not have enough money to help her kids. God told her to get the biggest juice bottle. And when she took the juice to the cashier, he discovered the price was marked wrong—so he gave Stephanie the juice for free.     

In Stephanie’s spare time, she self-taught herself Microsoft Publisher and designed a postcard for a friend’s film project. That first project led to other design clients for Stephanie.     

One day in June 2007, Stephanie spent the morning folding laundry in her bedroom and asking God whether she should pursue design full time. Around 10 a.m., Shomari called. After consulting with H&R Block for two years, they had just offered him a job with full benefits. With their family’s insurance needs covered, Stephanie submitted her two weeks’ notice to her job and founded her graphic design business in her home. Her title read CEO, designer, marketing manager and everything else rolled into one.     There were rough days and months as Stephanie wrote business plans, hired employees, and dealt with frustrated customers as she fell behind on projects due to her company’s rapid growth. Yet, ikros survived and flourished, even growing 553% from 2008-2009.     

Stephanie Tillman, CEO of ikros Photo courtesy of Stephanie Tillman

Today ikros has a new building and eight full-time employees along with freelance designers living everywhere from the United Kingdom to Vietnam. Project Director Sarah DeGarmo says, “Every day, miracles happen at ikros. Some miracles are small and some are large, but they all come from him: I know it, our team knows it, and our clients know it.” Shomari adds with a smile, “I never saw it coming to this point, but [Stephanie] had a vision.”     

As Stephanie looks ahead, she is excited about the future. “In two years, Shomari and I will have our tenth wedding anniversary. Maybe we’ll actually be able to buy wedding rings!” She laughs. “I would also like to be an author who has published multiple times—one book is in the final editing phase now. And I see our Homeless to Greatness story gaining visibility as I step back from the day-to-day tasks at ikros and speak about my story.”     

Stephanie pauses, leaning forward, “Now that I am secure in the person God created me to be, I get to use my story and voice to influence culture and bridge gaps on multiple levels. There are stories out there about someone coming from homelessness, but my story is about how God can take people from homelessness and give them hope.” She smiles, “Romans 5:5,  ‘And hope does not disappoint us.”

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📖⁠ And every day he was teaching in the templ 📖⁠
And every day he was teaching in the temple, but at night he went out and lodged on the mount called Olivet. And early in the morning all the people came to him in the temple to hear him.⁠
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Now the Feast of Unleavened Bread drew near, which is called the Passover. And the chief priests and the scribes were seeking how to put him to death, for they feared the people.⁠
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Then Satan entered into Judas called Iscariot, who was of the number of the twelve. He went away and conferred with the chief priests and officers how he might betray him to them. And they were glad, and agreed to give him money. So he consented and sought an opportunity to betray him to them in the absence of a crowd. [Luke 21:37-22:6 ESV]⁠
With our busy get-up-and-go lifestyles, it might s With our busy get-up-and-go lifestyles, it might seem more difficult than ever to find time for God or where we can fully make time for the essential aspects of the Christian life like prayer and Bible reading. Yes, like working out or eating healthy, it comes down to the priority and importance of those things in our lives and whether or not they’re important enough to us. At the end of the day we will make time for the things that are most important to us in our lives. Though God is not a “thing” to be fit into our schedules, I believe it’s more than possible to make a place and priority in our lives for connection with him.⁠
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✍🏽: Nicholas Sowell in "ENGAGING WITH GOD" | Continue reading at newidentitymagazine.com⁠ by visiting the link in our bio and tapping on the image.⁠
📖⁠ “Hear another parable. There was a maste 📖⁠
“Hear another parable. There was a master of a house who planted a vineyard and put a fence around it and dug a winepress in it and built a tower and leased it to tenants, and went into another country. When the season for fruit drew near, he sent his servants to the tenants to get his fruit. And the tenants took his servants and beat one, killed another, and stoned another. Again he sent other servants, more than the first. And they did the same to them. Finally he sent his son to them, saying, ‘They will respect my son.’ But when the tenants saw the son, they said to themselves, ‘This is the heir. Come, let us kill him and have his inheritance.’ And they took him and threw him out of the vineyard and killed him. When therefore the owner of the vineyard comes, what will he do to those tenants?” They said to him, “He will put those wretches to a miserable death and let out the vineyard to other tenants who will give him the fruits in their seasons.”⁠
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Jesus said to them, “Have you never read in the Scriptures:⁠
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“‘The stone that the builders rejected⁠
has become the cornerstone;⁠
this was the Lord's doing,⁠
and it is marvelous in our eyes’?⁠
Therefore I tell you, the kingdom of God will be taken away from you and given to a people producing its fruits. And the one who falls on this stone will be broken to pieces; and when it falls on anyone, it will crush him.”⁠
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When the chief priests and the Pharisees heard his parables, they perceived that he was speaking about them. And although they were seeking to arrest him, they feared the crowds, because they held him to be a prophet. [Matthew 21:33-46 ESV] || For more of these eventful 24-hours for Jesus, read Matthew 21:20-25:46.⁠
"I wanted to take my own life. It was a dark and s "I wanted to take my own life. It was a dark and scary time, and it was only God who prevented this act from occurring.  When I was going through this period of anguish and anxiety I did not think that I would ever again enjoy the sunshine as God meant for me to enjoy it. Yet it was this dark pit, devoid of any light or even an atom of hope, that brought me to the place where I was able to reach for light from the only true source of eternal light."⁠
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✍🏽: Shannon Clark-Rivera in "FROM THE LAND OF THE DEAD TO THE LAND OF THE LIVING" | Continue reading at newidentitymagazine.com⁠ by visiting the link in our bio and tapping on the image.⁠
📖⁠ On the following day, when they came from 📖⁠
On the following day, when they came from Bethany, he was hungry. And seeing in the distance a fig tree in leaf, he went to see if he could find anything on it. When he came to it, he found nothing but leaves, for it was not the season for figs. And he said to it, “May no one ever eat fruit from you again.” And his disciples heard it.⁠
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And they came to Jerusalem. And he entered the temple and began to drive out those who sold and those who bought in the temple, and he overturned the tables of the money-changers and the seats of those who sold pigeons. And he would not allow anyone to carry anything through the temple. And he was teaching them and saying to them, “Is it not written, ‘My house shall be called a house of prayer for all the nations’? But you have made it a den of robbers.” And the chief priests and the scribes heard it and were seeking a way to destroy him, for they feared him, because all the crowd was astonished at his teaching. And when evening came they went out of the city. [Mark 11:12-19 ESV]
How do I get my life together when it seems like a How do I get my life together when it seems like a mess?” That is how I translate Psalm 119:9. Most English language Bibles use something similar to the NIV’s translation of “How can young people keep their way pure?” However, I am no longer a young man, and the word “pure” does not seem to apply to all of the ways that I feel like I stumble. For me, the word “pure” sounds like it has more to do with a priest in the book of Leviticus getting ready for a ceremony. I am also not an ancient Israelite priest. Instead, when I think of the ways I fail in my own life, they are more akin to what Paul describes in Romans 7, when he says, “what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.”⁠
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✍🏽: @jefffrelatable in "Trading Bad Habits for Zakah" | Continue reading at newidentitymagazine.com⁠ by visiting the link in our bio and tapping on the image.⁠
"Holy Week, a central point of remembrance during "Holy Week, a central point of remembrance during the Christian calendar, focuses upon the death and resurrection of Jesus. This is no surprise. Had Jesus not risen from the dead, our faith would be useless, and we would still be guilty of our sins (1 Cor. 15:17).⁠
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Holy Week helps us reflect upon the last week of Jesus’ life. There are a number of ways that Christians celebrate Holy Week, but there is a common commitment to expressing deep gratitude for Christ’s death and celebration of his resurrection! –@lukegeraty in Elevating Easter⁠
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Join us each day this week to read Scripture and see what each day was like in the life of Jesus, leading up to his death and resurrection. It's a good way for us to be present and remember what took place those many years ago.
If you missed it, the new issue is out this week! If you missed it, the new issue is out this week! Check in with some of your favorite writers, and we don't think you'll be disappointed! The link in our bio will take you to in the full issue!⁠
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Everyone has experienced a “wilderness season” Everyone has experienced a “wilderness season” before, perhaps more than once. A wilderness season is when you feel stuck or lost in a difficult situation, and your only options are to endure patiently and wait with the expectation that the situation will eventually pass or be resolved. For some people, this period may last a few days, for others it may last years—or for so long that it feels like it will never end.⁠
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We all encountered a wilderness season at the same time due to the COVID-19 pandemic. Businesses closed their doors—some for good. Anticipated events were cancelled. Schools closed with awkward transitions into remote learning. Jobs were lost, hours were cut. Those who lost loved ones were unable to gather to mourn their dead. Church services became virtual, and some may remain that way.⁠
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✍🏽: Chitara Ellis in "Waiting In The Wilderness" | Continue reading at newidentitymag.com⁠ by visiting the link in our bio and tapping on the image.⁠
We are pleased to announce the launch of our lates We are pleased to announce the launch of our latest issue with an added brightness and fresh design – while still bringing you the inspirational depth and thoughtful encouragement that you’ve come to expect from us.⁠
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Hope is around the corner and spring is in the air as we celebrate the renewal of life and the great miracle of Easter. We hope that the articles in this issue would help you during this transitional time of winter to spring, and the hopeful horizon ahead of pandemic to post-pandemic. Be inspired by hearing the thoughts of our passionate contributors. ⁠
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Sadly in our world today, kindness has lost its va Sadly in our world today, kindness has lost its value. But as we see from some of the examples in Scripture, kindness is to be shown in all of our interactions with others. It is a gift from God through the work of the Holy Spirit, and taught by Jesus Christ. We can no longer walk past. Now, more than ever, we need to bring kindness back. We have to especially show the younger generation’s constant examples of kindness. We can hold the door for one another; allow someone to go ahead of us in line. Smile with compassion at the clerk whose line is one person too long and everyone is staring at him or her as if it’s their fault. ⁠
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✍🏽: Crystal Alexander in "Kindness: The Forgotten Fruit"  Continue reading at newidentitymagazine.com⁠ by visiting the link in our bio and tapping on the image.⁠
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Charles Swindoll writes, “Wisdom isn’t somethi Charles Swindoll writes, “Wisdom isn’t something that is exclusive to those who have exceptional IQs or advanced degrees. Rather, wise behavior in the eyes of the Lord comes as a result of obeying the Lord’s commands.” Resist the urge to think that a smart person with a lot of knowledge is wise. Author Paul David Tripp says there “is a huge difference between knowledge and wisdom. Knowledge is an accurate understanding of truth. Wisdom is understanding and living in light of how that truth applies to the situations and relationships in your daily life. Knowledge is the exercise of your brain. Wisdom is the commitment of your heart that leads to transformation of your life.” ⁠
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✍🏽: Christopher L. Scott @the_christopherscott in "God, What Do You Want Me To Do With My Life?" Continue reading at newidentitymagazine.com⁠ by visiting the link in our bio and tapping on the image.⁠
"While you can spend time in God’s creation appr "While you can spend time in God’s creation appreciating his beauty, or with him in prayer, you can also get to know him more intimately through his Word."⁠
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✍🏽: Christopher L. Scott @the_christopherscott in "How Anyone Can Study The Bible"  Continue reading at newidentitymagazine.com⁠ by visiting the link in our bio and tapping on the image.⁠
"Discovering God’s will and finding direction fo "Discovering God’s will and finding direction for your life from God is like the lead and follow of dancers. God’s the lead. You are the follow and must know the lead and respond to him."⁠
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✍🏽: Christopher L. Scott @the_christopherscott in "God, What Do You Want Me To Do With My Life?" Continue reading at newidentitymagazine.com⁠ by visiting the link in our bio and tapping on the image.⁠
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#godslove
"The Creator of the Universe promises to be with y "The Creator of the Universe promises to be with you. You’re not alone. You’re his. And as long as he has work for you to do on this earth, you’re immortal. Sparrows don’t hit the ground without his knowledge, and the hairs on your head are numbered. He’s got you."⁠
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✍🏽: T.J. Woodard in "Be Anxious For Nothing"  Continue reading at newidentitymagazine.com⁠ by visiting the link in our bio and tapping on the image.⁠
"If Jesus is speaking with subordinates, those wit "If Jesus is speaking with subordinates, those without power, he is instructing them to actively and non-violently make the statement that they are also human beings worthy of dignity. To turn the left cheek after being backhanded on the right was a statement of human dignity."⁠
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✍🏽: Nathan Rutan in "An Eye for An Eye, and a Tooth for a Tooth"  Continue reading at newidentitymagazine.com⁠ by visiting the link in our bio and tapping on the image.⁠
We're happy to announce that the Fall/Winter 2020 We're happy to announce that the Fall/Winter 2020 Issue is out today! There are some great articles inside that we hope you'll love! Enjoy! 🤗 #linkinbio⁠
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Prayer isn’t about making the things we selfishl Prayer isn’t about making the things we selfishly want happen; it’s about making us want what God wants.⁠
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✍🏽: @sarahjoysly in "Prayer - The Alignment of Our Souls With God"  Continue reading at newidentitymagazine.com⁠ by visiting the link in our bio and tapping on the image.⁠
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“The world is indeed full of peril, and in it th “The world is indeed full of peril, and in it there are many dark places; but still there is much that is fair, and though in all lands love is now mingled with grief, it grows perhaps the greater.” – Haldir⁠
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In Lothlorien, Haldir is encouraging a downcast Fellowship with a glimpse of the larger story in which they find themselves. His words reflect the apostle Paul’s encouragement to the church, that we “do not grieve like the rest of mankind, who have no hope” (1 Thess. 4:13). For there is a form of grief from which there is no recovery – one in which there is no resurrection of the dead. If death is the final word, then we must suffer grief without hope, grief that diminishes our love for life because of the crushing weight of the loss we’ve experienced. But Tolkien believed that death was not the end; therefore, we may experience the beautiful juxtaposition in our own lives of deep sorrow mixed with rivers of joy. Instead of crippling us, our grief may actually help to cultivate in our character the virtues of faith, hope, and love that are necessary to continue to carry our heaviest burdens. ⁠
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✍🏽: @slimkeman in "Memorable Middle Earth"  Continue reading at newidentitymagazine.com⁠ by visiting the link in our bio and tapping on the image.⁠
#faithhopelove #lotr #thefellowshipofthering #thelordoftherings #middleearth
The Bible stresses that despite our differences we The Bible stresses that despite our differences we are called to love each other above our political positions. “Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity” (Colossians 3:12-14). You may feel like how politics and religion intersect in the public sphere communicate the exact opposite of this, and you’d be right. Media outlets report drama and conflict. Gracious and loving political opponents are not newsworthy.⁠
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✍🏽: Matthew Hamilton in "Our Identity In Christ Is Always Greater"  Continue reading at newidentitymagazine.com⁠ by visiting the link in our bio and tapping on the image.⁠
📷: Photo by Lum3n from Pexels⁠
#politics #voting #love #loveyourneighbor #loveyourneighbornotmattertheirpolitics
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