New Identity Magazine

God in focus. World in scope.

  • About
  • Grow
    • Spotlight: In Perspective
    • Growth & Maturity
    • Foundation
    • Practical Application
    • Jargon
  • Connect
    • Community
    • Discovering God
    • God Talk
    • Life Together
  • Live
    • Give Back
    • People
    • Culture & Creativity
    • Careers & Callings
  • Back Issues
  • Write
    • Submit an Article
    • Writer’s Guidelines
    • House Style Guide
    • Content Submissions Agreement
    • Jargon Substitutions
  • Shop
  • Donate
  • Contact

Two Lefts Don’t Make It Right

By Stephanie Baker Leave a Comment

Photo Credit: Marko @ Flickr (CC)

Photo Credit: Marko @ Flickr (CC)

Every now and then, as I scroll through my Facebook homepage, I discover another friend that I went to high school with or know from college who is married and has children, and I feel that familiar pang of jealousy – the one that tells me that I’m the same age as that person, so why am I not married with kids? I look through the cute pictures, and my desire for a family of my own is brought to the forefront of my mind. Being married and having a family are good things, so why am I still single when my friends aren’t? Why does my life seem to be moving so slowly?

Chances are, you’ve asked yourself a similar question at some point in your life. Life stages have no age-limit surrounding them; people move in and out of the different stages in no certain pattern. It makes it easy for someone to feel left behind or even far ahead of everyone else. Watching your close friends enjoy their lives while you feel stuck in your own can make you feel dissatisfied with the life that God has given you and could lead to discontentment or depression. So what do you do when you can’t help but wish you were at a different life stage because you always feel like the outsider?

Though it may not feel like it, your life is unique, and God’s timing will never be the same for two different people. It’s important to not live your life always waiting for the next thing to come. That’s not living, and you will miss out on many opportunities because you’re afraid of missing that next stage. Your life might not even follow any predetermined stages! Learning to be content with your life no matter where you are is the best way to live to the fullest. Life never moves slowly; if you can be happy in your present stage of life, soon enough the next one will come. Trust God with your life’s direction, and be grateful for the blessings you do have in your current stage.

Trusting God and being content with life are two things that are easier said than done. Here are some practical ideas on how to still feel a part of a group of friends that are all in a different stage of life than you are:

Find your common interests.

Just because your friend has moved on to the next stage of life does not mean that you no longer have anything in common. You still have things in common with these friends! Maybe it’s the love for a certain television show or you all like going hiking or you like to do crafts together. There was a reason you became friends in the first place; don’t assume that that camaraderie is gone because she has kids and you don’t. Some things may be different now, but those similar interests can still bring you together.

If you find yourself the third wheel (or fifth or seventh) in a hangout, try not to feel awkward.

You can try to avoid these types of situations but sometimes they just happen. You can make things less awkward by not isolating yourself and not insisting that the couples sit together if they choose to sit by you instead. You can also ease any tension felt by making light of the matter; shrug it off as comical instead of letting it hang over everyone as the elephant in the room. If the couples do seem to be ignoring you and clearly want alone time, don’t make them ask you to leave (even if they are being rude by their actions). Instead, bow out gracefully and find something else to do, whether that be doing some much-needed housework or volunteering your extra time at a charity.

Initiate the hangouts.

This way you won’t feel like you’re crashing someone else’s party when you feel like the outsider. Use those common interests you still have to plan a fun day or evening with your friend. Maybe even hire a babysitter for her, if she’s the ones with kids. If you are still investing in the friendship, then she will probably respond by doing what she can to make you still feel welcome and not like the outsider. Plus, if you’re the one always getting the group together, they will all feel grateful to you for planning the hangouts, and you will still have a purpose in the group.

Don’t act bitter toward your friends or drop contact with them.

It’s not their fault that their life has progressed differently than yours so don’t treat them like it is. It’s not anyone’s fault. Acting bitter and/or dropping contact will only make you feel more like an outsider. The more you blame them, the more they will pull away from you. Even though your lives look different now, you can still be friends.

If you notice a friend who is not in the same life stage as everyone else, here are some tips for how to not alienate that person:

Keep inviting him to things!

Don’t assume that he won’t want to come just because his life has not moved like everyone else’s in the group. If you don’t invite him, he will never feel like he belongs. Make him feel as welcome as possible in the group by planning activities that he will enjoy, as well as everyone else. If he has kids, make sure and plan something the kids can do while you hang out.

If she is the third wheel (or fifth or seventh) in a hangout, don’t act “couplely.”

Make sure and include her in the conversation, and maybe even break up the couples when sitting around a table or playing a game. This will help her to not feel awkward, and she will be more inclined to come to events even if she is the odd one out. Also, be aware of the conversation. If she is the only one without children, try not to continually be talking about what your children have done. She can’t participate in these conversations besides the occasional “That’s so cute/funny” comment. Avoid alienating conversations by covering a variety of topics. Be sure to not ignore her or give any hints that you want to be alone with your significant other. You can have alone time later. For now, you should give your time to your friend.
Be invested in his life by asking him about it.

Don’t always be talking about your problems or your successes, your boyfriend or your kids. Make sure you know what is happening in his life and be interested in it. Try to never be too busy when he has a crisis and needs a listening ear. Even if your schedule seems so much busier than his, if he invites you to something, try to go! By claiming that you are too busy, you are implying that your life is more important than his, and he will only feel more isolated around you. You still have to invest in the friendship as much as he does. Make sure birthdays or other special events are written down so that you do not forget them. Keep those common interests alive by remaining interested and contributing time to your friend. Maybe you can’t hangout as much as you used to, but your friend will be more understanding if you at least show an effort to still be invested in the friendship.

Your life may not look the way you imagined it and maybe you’ve suffered one too many disappointments or hardships, but God can bring about good no matter what life stage you’re in, or even if you’re not in a stage at all. You don’t have to follow any predetermined steps to glorify God, but if you live your life waiting for those steps to appear so you can follow them, you’ll never be able to go anywhere. Life does not move slowly, so grasp each opportunity and moment that comes your way, instead of waiting for the next stage of your life to begin. If you are enjoying your life and living content where God has placed you, you probably won’t even notice when the next stage of your life does begin.

Share with friendsShare on Facebook
Facebook
Pin on Pinterest
Pinterest
Tweet about this on Twitter
Twitter
Share on Reddit
Reddit
Email to someone
email

Filed Under: Community, Connect, Featured Tagged With: Issue 22

Related Posts

  • One Unsung HeroOne Unsung Hero
  • One Cup ProjectOne Cup Project
  • Letting God WorkLetting God Work
  • Unsteady StepsUnsteady Steps
  • Raising Your Palms on SundayRaising Your Palms on Sunday
  • Jesus IsJesus Is

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

  • Email
  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • Pinterest
  • RSS
  • Twitter

Current Issue

Current Issue

Read Now

newidentitymag

New Identity | Exploring Faith
We hope you enjoy the new issue! Check out the lin We hope you enjoy the new issue! Check out the link in our bio! Happy Fall/Winter! 🍁
We're looking for volunteer writers to contribute We're looking for volunteer writers to contribute to the next issue! If you're interested in writing on this topic, please leave us a comment! ✨
We're looking for volunteer writers to contribute We're looking for volunteer writers to contribute to the next issue! If you're interested in writing on this topic, please leave us a comment! ✨
How should we be using our money? - We're looking How should we be using our money? - We're looking for volunteer writers to contribute to the next issue! If you're interested in writing on this topic, please leave us a comment!
We're looking for volunteer writers to contribute We're looking for volunteer writers to contribute to the next issue! If you're interested in writing on this topic, please leave us a comment!
We're looking for volunteer writers to contribute We're looking for volunteer writers to contribute to the next issue! If you're interested in writing on the topic of praying continually and what that can look like in our fast-paced society, please leave us a comment! 😊
We're looking for volunteer writers to contribute We're looking for volunteer writers to contribute to the next issue! If you're interested in writing on this topic, please leave us a comment! ✨
Happy Spring! Enjoy the new issue! #linkinbio Happy Spring! Enjoy the new issue! #linkinbio
Our striving to be like Jesus or do his work on ou Our striving to be like Jesus or do his work on our own is in vain. We can never hope to achieve the same level that Jesus was on while we are still here on Earth. We’re like little kids, struggling just to walk. But that’s why Jesus gave us an example of redeemed followers in the form of the Apostles, who were his close group of students here on Earth. He chose a group of broken, sinful men, and ultimately shaped them into the group responsible for continuing his ministry here on Earth. ⁠
.⁠
.⁠
.⁠
.⁠
.⁠
✍🏽: Tim VanDeWalker in "Running By Example" | Continue reading at newidentitymagazine.com⁠ by visiting the link in our bio and tapping on the image.⁠
"Do your little bit of good where you are; it's th "Do your little bit of good where you are; it's those little bits of good put together that overwhelm the world." –Desmond Tutu
The Bible tells us to live in the world, but not t The Bible tells us to live in the world, but not to become like it. The New Living Translation puts it this way, “Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think” (Rom. 12:2a). Some have interpreted this as an instruction to reject anything that isn’t explicitly Christian. But I don’t think that’s what this verse is getting at. I think it means much more.⁠
.⁠
.⁠
.⁠
.⁠
.⁠
✍🏽: Lindsey Beharry in "Choosing Wisely" | Continue reading at newidentitymagazine.com⁠ by visiting the link in our bio and tapping on the image.⁠
If you desire to serve, seek to form groups withou If you desire to serve, seek to form groups without age distinction. Maybe you want to form a group in your church. Avoid just inviting members from your age group. Seek out people older and younger than you to invite to meet together. Find that person who sits alone and talk to her or him. Instead of a focus on building groups that have the same characteristics to “relate” with one another, you center your discussion in the work of Christ. He will bring the group together. ⁠
.⁠
.⁠
.⁠
.⁠
.⁠
✍🏽: Russell Almand in "Community and Age Diversity" | Continue reading at newidentitymagazine.com⁠ by visiting the link in our bio and tapping on the image.⁠
"If we put our faith in temporal things, they will "If we put our faith in temporal things, they will inevitably let us down. They were never meant to be enough for us. Not alone. When Barnum finally does hit bottom, he recognizes that his heart has been led astray, fooled into thinking that fame or fortune could satisfy him."⁠
.⁠
.⁠
.⁠
.⁠
.⁠
✍🏽: @slimkeman in "The Greatest Showman" | Continue reading at newidentitymagazine.com⁠ by visiting the link in our bio and tapping on the image.⁠
"Porn. We are only now beginning to realize the ex "Porn. We are only now beginning to realize the extent of its effects on the brain, relationships, and society at a time when sexually explicit content is just a click away. Christians have recognized pornography’s negative impact for decades, yet it is still often considered a “male” problem within the Church. This can leave women who struggle with porn addiction feeling isolated and alone. The organization SheRecovery (formerly Dirty Girls Ministries) aims to change that and has become a resource for women with porn addiction. You can read more about their ministry at the link in our bio. ⁠
.⁠
.⁠
.⁠
.⁠
.⁠
✍🏽: Lisa Gagnon in "Dirty Girls Ministries" | Continue reading at newidentitymagazine.com⁠ by visiting the link in our bio and tapping on the image.⁠
"The presence of my sin reminds me of my great nee "The presence of my sin reminds me of my great need for grace, and good works are the outpouring of a grateful heart; being a good child is not a means of earning the favor of God."⁠
⁠
.⁠
.⁠
.⁠
.⁠
.⁠
✍🏽: Sally Blotzer in "Forgiving Failure" | Continue reading at newidentitymagazine.com⁠ by visiting the link in our bio and tapping on the image.⁠
"As Christians, we identify ourselves not only by "As Christians, we identify ourselves not only by how we handle our daily lives, much like those around us, but also by an added component: our faith. How we pray and worship and spend time with our fellow followers provides additional meaning to our lives."⁠
.⁠
.⁠
.⁠
.⁠
.⁠
✍🏽: Matthew Hamilton in "Does Your Form Determine Your Function?" | Continue reading at newidentitymagazine.com⁠ by visiting the link in our bio and tapping on the image.⁠
📷: Photo by Lum3n from Pexels⁠
Often I picture Jesus telling us to love others an Often I picture Jesus telling us to love others and not to judge. I forget that when he said, “Come follow me,” he wasn’t just inviting us to a strict set of rules but to a real and exciting life whether you turn out to be a pastor, a doctor, designer or simply “Dad.” Sometimes I forget one of his main messages was that he came to give us a better life than we could ever dream of—life to the fullest. Jesus wasn’t locking us down to a vocation or job title. It’s as if he was saying, “Real, vibrant life is available to you now. Following me, loving me and living like me is your real calling…the rest is just there to aid you in following, loving and living.”⁠
.⁠
.⁠
.⁠
.⁠
.⁠
✍🏽: Wendy Van Eyck in "Living For A Purpose" | Continue reading at newidentitymagazine.com⁠ by visiting the link in our bio and tapping on the image.⁠
Like Morpheus, I want to “show you how deep the Like Morpheus, I want to “show you how deep the rabbit hole goes.” There is yet another parallel between the Christian story and The Matrix, simultaneously the most foundational and the most captivating. It’s that something which is missing, something which is not quite right with the world. You can’t quite put your finger on it, but you know that it’s there. At the outset of the first film, Neo is searching for it. Trinity asserts that “it’s the question that drives us.” Morpheus claims that “you can see it when you look out your window or when you turn on your television. You can feel it when you go to work, when you go to church, when you pay your taxes.” The question is: What if I’ve only ever scratched the surface of all that life has to offer? What if there is a deeper, truer current of reality, ever-present behind all of my life’s experiences, to which I might awaken at any moment?⁠
.⁠
.⁠
.⁠
.⁠
.⁠
✍🏽: @slimkeman in "Tumbling Down The Rabbit Hole" | Continue reading at newidentitymagazine.com⁠ by visiting the link in our bio and tapping on the image.⁠
"I’ve always been intrigued by Augustine because "I’ve always been intrigued by Augustine because we all struggle with temptations to sin. And we all struggle to live in a way that honors God. Like Augustine we all feel the tug of our past sins that say, 'Don’t you want to enjoy us?' And Augustine’s story relates to Galatians 5:16-26 where Paul tells us about how the Christian life is like a walk. In a way, walking is a metaphor for the Christian life." ⁠
.⁠
.⁠
.⁠
.⁠
.⁠
✍🏽: @the_christopherscott in "In Step With the Spirit" | Continue reading at newidentitymagazine.com⁠ by visiting the link in our bio and tapping on the image.⁠
"The Holy Spirit empowers us for Christ-like livin "The Holy Spirit empowers us for Christ-like living, and for serving others." Where in your life or in what ways has the Spirit enabled you this week? We'd love to hear, tell us in the comments below!⁠
.⁠
.⁠
.⁠
.⁠
.⁠
✍🏽: @the_christopherscott  in "In Step With the Spirit" | Continue reading at newidentitymagazine.com⁠ by visiting the link in our bio and tapping on the image.⁠
Load More... Follow on Instagram

Subscribe

More Articles

CAN HOBBIES BE A SPIRITUAL DISCIPLINE?

I used to work for a guy known for saying, “I’ll rest when I’m dead!” He ran a ministry and believed there were too many people who needed to hear about Jesus to … [Read More...]

THE LIGHT OF ETHIOPIA

Many people think of Ethiopia and only think of famine, war or pictures of starving children. I have to admit this was my first image of Ethiopia. I have now come to … [Read More...]

Muting The Noise of the World

Some people like to do what they call a Prayer Hike. That is where one or more people go on a hike, or walk, and pray as they go.  Now, many people, like … [Read More...]

Copyright © 2022 New Identity Magazine. All Rights Reserved · Log in