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PURSUE OR BE PURSUED?

By Cristian Vasquez Leave a Comment

Photo: Michel Pitstra/Stock.xchng

Photo: Michel Pitstra/Stock.xchng

Should the man or woman take the lead role in dating? We asked a handful of Christians what their perspective on dating is and whether there is any Biblical authority on the subject. From tradition to Biblical description, together we find some intriguing answers and wise words.

“It goes either way. Well, if they are both going to get what they want out of a relationship, it shouldn’t matter who makes the first move. I prefer to make the first move just to show that I’m interested.”
– Jorge

“Whoever is interested should pursue. A successful relationship takes work from the beginning. If it is God’s will, then both will have an interest and both should pursue it from the beginning. Of course, how each person ‘pursues’ is based on the individual, whether man or woman.”
– Charles

“The man should always make the first move. It’s always been the guy who makes the first move. It’s tradition. It’s just the way I see it; it’s the way society sees it. There are a few girls that would make the first move but I think most of them want the guy to approach them. My dad always taught me that if you like the girl and you want the girl, you have to make the first move.”
– Edgar

“I strongly believe the man should pursue. I think many women have forgotten how to be submissive to men (and I mean submissive in a good way). There is a wonderful dance that occurs when a man is pursuing a woman and when a man pursues a woman he is showing her that he is a leader. I believe most women want that from men. I know I do.”
– Christina

“The concept of the man pursuing the woman seems clear in the way a marriage is described in Ephesians Chapter 5. It casts the dynamic of marriage in relation to Jesus and the Church, with the husband taking on the role of Jesus. Jesus sought out and asked his disciples to follow Him. Likewise, a man should seek out a woman and lead in a relationship according to this scripture. It also calls for him to bring the best out of her, so it is definitely a relationship of mutual respect.”

Ephesians 5:21-33 (The Message):

Out of respect for Christ, be courteously reverent to one another.
Wives, understand and support your husbands in ways that show your support for Christ. The husband provides leadership to his wife the way Christ does to his church, not by domineering but by cherishing. So just as the church submits to Christ as he exercises such leadership, wives should likewise submit to their husbands.

Husbands, go all out in your love for your wives, exactly as Christ did for the church—a love marked by giving, not getting. Christ’s love makes the church whole. His words evoke her beauty. Everything he does and says is designed to bring the best out of her, dressing her in dazzling white silk, radiant with holiness. And that is how husbands ought to love their wives. They’re really doing themselves a favor—since they’re already “one” in marriage.

No one abuses his own body, does he? No, he feeds and pampers it. That’s how Christ treats us, the church, since we are part of his body. And this is why a man leaves father and mother and cherishes his wife. No longer two, they become “one flesh.” This is a huge mystery, and I don’t pretend to understand it all. What is clearest to me is the way Christ treats the church. And this provides a good picture of how each husband is to treat his wife, loving himself in loving her, and how each wife is to honor her husband.” – Matthew

“Anyone who has been to Baja Beach Club or Dead Freddies on ladies’ night would be surprised to know that men don’t always hotly (a term for “passionately and enthusiastically”) pursue women. Men are often times struggling to take leadership roles in the church, in relationships and in the world. Is this because of fear? Cultural pressures? Something else? We fear taking leadership roles because that means responsibility and with responsibility comes the desire to succeed and if we fail to live up to our responsibility then we can’t succeed. But, if we don’t take the responsibility in the first place then we don’t need to worry about success or failure. Our culture puts a lot of pressure on men to not only be successful, but to do so in a way that shows our inferiority to women. As men then, we begin to take on that lazy persona immobilized by our fears and living up to a perceived cultural norm.

We fear taking leadership roles because that means responsibility and with responsibility comes the desire to succeed and if we fail to live up to our responsibility then we can’t succeed.

Ultimately, we have forgotten how to be Gentle Men. I separate these two words because I think they show the balance of what God intended for his creature – man. Scripture teaches us that we are to be humble, loving and kind or to be gentle. But it also teaches us that we are to be wise, bold and leaders or to be men. So to be gentlemen we must embody the work of Christ as he was both sacrificially loving and the king of kings.

Good Charlotte’s album Good Morning Revival has a song called “Break Apart Her Heart.” Part of the chorus says, “Don’t tell her she is the reason that you live/Don’t give her everything that you got to give/If you want to keep a girl for as long as you live/Just break apart her heart.” With the pervasiveness of culture we can be easily confused and distracted from our calling to be Gentle Men.

But searching for happiness and hanging our hopes on answers that distract us from our relationship with Christ are not gender specific issues. Man’s hot pursuit of woman with a Biblical focus is simply the fruit of men hotly pursuing Christ. How hotly are you (man or woman) pursuing your relationship with your Lord and Savior?” – Jeff  (Reprinted With Permission. Jeff Price is founder of the Young Adult Reformed Fellowship ministry in Baltimore, Maryland and regularly posts on his blog at blog.eyarf.org/)

“And the Lord God said, ‘It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.’” Genesis 2:18 (NKJV). God created men and women for relationship (both with Him and with people) and intended for men and women to have companionship in marriage and friendship in life. As God made Eve (women) comparable to Adam (men), it emphasizes that men and women are of equal value in God’s eyes. Each person simply takes on a different role than their counterpart as pointed out in Ephesians 5, and equally shares in the welfare of the other. This is not to say that a woman can’t ask a man out, or that men are forced to do the asking, but perhaps you might reflect on what role you want to have and are meant for, pray for truth to what your heart is truly seeking and pursue your relationship with God’s design in mind.

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Filed Under: Connect, God Talk Tagged With: Issue 2

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New Identity | Exploring Faith
We're happy to announce that the Fall/Winter 2020 We're happy to announce that the Fall/Winter 2020 Issue is out today! There are some great articles inside that we hope you'll love! Enjoy! 🤗 #linkinbio⁠
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#newissue #newidentitymag #liveidentified #magazine #kindness #anxiety #waiting #worththewait #mcu #eatableheroes #marvel #godswill
Prayer isn’t about making the things we selfishl Prayer isn’t about making the things we selfishly want happen; it’s about making us want what God wants.⁠
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✍🏽: @sarahjoysly in "Prayer - The Alignment of Our Souls With God"  Continue reading at newidentitymagazine.com⁠ by visiting the link in our bio and tapping on the image.⁠
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“The world is indeed full of peril, and in it th “The world is indeed full of peril, and in it there are many dark places; but still there is much that is fair, and though in all lands love is now mingled with grief, it grows perhaps the greater.” – Haldir⁠
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In Lothlorien, Haldir is encouraging a downcast Fellowship with a glimpse of the larger story in which they find themselves. His words reflect the apostle Paul’s encouragement to the church, that we “do not grieve like the rest of mankind, who have no hope” (1 Thess. 4:13). For there is a form of grief from which there is no recovery – one in which there is no resurrection of the dead. If death is the final word, then we must suffer grief without hope, grief that diminishes our love for life because of the crushing weight of the loss we’ve experienced. But Tolkien believed that death was not the end; therefore, we may experience the beautiful juxtaposition in our own lives of deep sorrow mixed with rivers of joy. Instead of crippling us, our grief may actually help to cultivate in our character the virtues of faith, hope, and love that are necessary to continue to carry our heaviest burdens. ⁠
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✍🏽: @slimkeman in "Memorable Middle Earth"  Continue reading at newidentitymagazine.com⁠ by visiting the link in our bio and tapping on the image.⁠
#faithhopelove #lotr #thefellowshipofthering #thelordoftherings #middleearth
The Bible stresses that despite our differences we The Bible stresses that despite our differences we are called to love each other above our political positions. “Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity” (Colossians 3:12-14). You may feel like how politics and religion intersect in the public sphere communicate the exact opposite of this, and you’d be right. Media outlets report drama and conflict. Gracious and loving political opponents are not newsworthy.⁠
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✍🏽: Matthew Hamilton in "Our Identity In Christ Is Always Greater"  Continue reading at newidentitymagazine.com⁠ by visiting the link in our bio and tapping on the image.⁠
📷: Photo by Lum3n from Pexels⁠
#politics #voting #love #loveyourneighbor #loveyourneighbornotmattertheirpolitics
The trees, with their bark, the skin of the forest The trees, with their bark, the skin of the forest, with its scars and wrinkles, lean toward me, and brush me with their limbs. The leaves beg me to examine their veins. “Have you seen this?” Each different, but each spectacular. The infinite busy creatures. The carpet of green, the dome of blue.⁠
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A few moments later, I feel like an amazing creature in a world amazingly made. I feel the astounding power of God, where the smallest thing around me, a leaf, an ant, is more complicated, and alive and amazing than anything humanity has ever thought of.⁠
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Really, there is nothing like it. The author C.S. Lewis noted that the best place to take a non-believing scientist or a real thinker is nature.  Eventually the noise of God in nature is deafening.⁠
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Once you’re in that place, just a few minutes into your walk, your mouth will hardly be able to keep from pouring out praise to God. It becomes so easy. Connecting to God like that, in praise, as a consequence of observing nature, is so freeing and so empowering that you will return to your office balanced and ready, clear headed and encouraged.⁠
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The prayer that most blesses God, most blesses the one who prays it. And there is almost no easier way than from within the sanctuary of nature, which itself raises up its branches to him in prayer with every sunrise.⁠
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✍🏽: Tom Koel in "Muting The Noise of the World - Deconstructing The Prayer Hike for City Dwellers"  Continue reading at newidentitymagazine.com⁠ by visiting the link in our bio and tapping on the image.⁠
📷: Photo by Lum3n from Pexels⁠
#prayerhike #prayerworks #prayandpraise #prayerwalk #timewithgod #prayerchangesthings #heispraiseworthy #faithjourney
Each person comes to a Bible passage with his own Each person comes to a Bible passage with his own culture, language, and historical understanding. Sometimes we use these to interpret the Bible, but the hard work of bible study requires that you get rid of those things and interpret the passage by allowing it to speak for itself in its own language, cultural context, and historical background. In other words, interpretation is hard work because you are trying to to discover what the passage meant to its (original) audience 2000 years ago (even though we are reading it today). ⁠
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✍🏽: @the_christopherscott in "How Anyone Can Study The Bible"  Continue reading at newidentitymagazine.com⁠ by visiting the link in our bio and tapping on the image.⁠
#biblestudy #biblestudytools #growingingod #godsword #spendingtimewithgod #biblejournaling #holybible #christianliving #biblescriptures #dailybiblereading
Everything we do should be done for the ultimate e Everything we do should be done for the ultimate enjoyment of God. For instance, our enjoyment of a loving relationship with our spouse is a reflection of our relationship with God, and is therefore something God uses in order for us to better understand his love and how we can love him better.⁠
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This entails that God has given us the Bible as a means to an end. The point of reading the Bible is to come to enjoy God better and more fully. It might seem odd, or even a little sacrilege to think of the Bible as a means to an end. This is because we rightly think of the Bible as holy or sacred. But, it is not God. It is holy and sacred insofar as it is the word of God, given to us so we can better understand who God is. ⁠
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By reading Scripture we learn more about God, his work in the world, his plan for us, and his expectations for us. This is one of the means God has provided for us to enjoy him more. In fact, St. Augustine of Hippo believed that if a Christian could hypothetically enjoy God perfectly in this life, that they would no longer need to read the Bible. Of course because we will not come to love God perfectly in this life, reading, meditating on, and yes, memorizing scripture, will regularly be a source of knowledge that help us to love God more. However, Augustine wants his readers to remember, that knowledge is not the goal for reading the Bible.⁠
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✍🏽: Jeffery Porter in "How A Roman Bishop Changed The Way I Read The Bible"  Continue reading at newidentitymagazine.com⁠ by visiting the link in our bio and tapping on the image.⁠
📷: Photo by @ rickyrecap from Pexels⁠
#biblereading #heartknowledge #
People with unbelieving hearts only seek after wha People with unbelieving hearts only seek after what prospers them. Apart from Jesus, we set in motion lives filled with harm, with no hope and no future. A person can only have hope and a future when life is lived out for Christ. We get light through reading the Bible, prayer, and fellowship with other Christians. This light of life can be obtained through an open line of communication with the one who gives it—Jesus. Apart from him, life can appear meaningless. Our purpose in life is to glorify God with who we are and what we have. –Steven Butwell⁠
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"No one who trusts in you will ever be disgraced, but disgrace comes to those who try to deceive others." –Psalm 25:3 NLT⁠
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✍🏽: Steven Butwell in "The Light Christ"  Continue reading at newidentitymagazine.com⁠ by visiting the link in our bio and tapping on the image.⁠
📷: Photo by @fotografierende from Pexels⁠
#hopeinchrist #hope #faith #godsplan #godisgood #hopeinthelord #bethelight #godislove #livinghop #thegospel #godislove #godisfaithful #christianliving #bethelightinthedarkness
What’s your favorite article in the new issue? F What’s your favorite article in the new issue? Follow the link in our bio to read it online or download it free to your tablet. ⁠
Even as God demonstrated love by sending Jesus to Even as God demonstrated love by sending Jesus to die on the cross to take punishment for our sins, God reminded people of the importance of fearing him. God is not only our savior, comforter, and friend who promises to be with us always (Hebrews 13:5; Matthew 28:20), but also the most powerful being in the universe. There is a place for the right kind of fear—the reverential awe and respect—in our lives.⁠
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✍🏽: Délice Williams in "Fear The Lord?" Continue reading at newidentitymagazine.com⁠ by visiting the link in our bio and tapping on the image.⁠
📷: Photo by @emrrekuzu from Pexels⁠
Like the Psalmist, John describes Jesus as God’s Like the Psalmist, John describes Jesus as God’s Word who brings light and life to the darkness. Jesus is God’s Word that comes to us, to those who are dwelling in darkness. In fact, this is exactly what Jesus declares his mission to be in John 12:46: “I have come into the world as light, so that whoever believes in me may not remain in darkness.” This Light and Darkness imagery pervades the gospel of John. People love darkness because they don’t want their actions, thoughts, motives to be exposed by the light. But the truth is that deep down we need (and want) to be seen. We want to be loved despite our dirtiest deeds and foulest feelings. We need to restore the relationship that Adam and Eve once had with God–complete openness, and deep love–but we can’t do it on our own. Only God can (and did through Jesus) bring that relationship back.⁠
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✍🏽: Brandon Hurlbert in "The Light of God's Love"  Continue reading at newidentitymagazine.com⁠ by visiting the link in our bio and tapping on the image.⁠
📷: Photo by Emre Kuzu from Pexels⁠
In John 15:1 Jesus says that God is the gardener a In John 15:1 Jesus says that God is the gardener and he prunes every branch that does not produce fruit. A person stuck in his or her ways of sin is like a prickly shrub growing a lot of branches with no fruit. These branches must be removed so good fruit can grow. In the same way as a bush is unable to prune itself, a person who is living in sin is unable to remove all the unfruitful branches in life. Paul described this condition in chapter seven of Romans when he called himself a wretched man and realized only Jesus can change him.⁠
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Jesus provides the essential elements for growth; he gives us his Word (the Bible) for fertilizer, other believers for sunshine, and the Holy Spirit for water. When our roots begin to receive this new water, sunshine, and fertilizer, new branches begin to grow. This time the branches are not prickly bushes, but beautiful new branches adorned with the fruit of “love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, and self control,” (Galatians 5:22). Our old acquaintances will marvel at who we have become. When we allow God to be the gardener, he will shape us into his design.⁠
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✍🏽: Delbert Teachout in "God The Gardener"  Continue reading at newidentitymagazine.com⁠ by visiting the link in our bio and tapping on the image.⁠
📷: Photo by Timothy Grindall from Pexels
As new creations, those who have been forgiven by As new creations, those who have been forgiven by and reconciled to Jesus, we now have the task of being reconciled to each other. As Christians, we are not just called to forgive others in our hearts but keep them at an arm’s length away. No, we are called to be of one heart and one mind (Acts 4:32) with our brothers and sisters—we are called to be reconciled.⁠
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✍🏽: Brandon Hurlbert in "Repairing Broken Bridges"  Continue reading at newidentitymagazine.com⁠ by visiting the link in our bio and tapping on the image.⁠
We are faced with a challenge: to make God the cen We are faced with a challenge: to make God the center and purpose of our lives in a world of demands. God asks us to listen for his voice, and it’s no wonder why he chose to speak to Elijah in a “still, small voice” in 1 Kings 19:12-13. He doesn’t always shout at us because he wants us to choose to listen, to put other things aside so that all of our focus is towards discerning his will in the specifics of our lives. We have his will for us in general, as communicated in the Bible, which is to make disciples of all nations, to glorify the one true God, to serve no other gods, to love our neighbors as ourselves, etc., but sometimes we need to figure out how those general plans fit the specifics of our lives. Hearing God’s voice is part of how we relate to him, but in those moments of uncertainty, quieting ourselves becomes even more important.⁠
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✍🏽: @sarahjoysly in "Listening For A Whisper"  Continue reading at newidentitymagazine.com⁠ by visiting the link in our bio and tapping on the image.⁠
📷: Photo by Jara from Pexels⁠
Imagine if every Christian started praying to God Imagine if every Christian started praying to God and asking for him to bless us with gifts of encouragement for the sake of the world around us. The Church would make an immediate impact on the lives of people.⁠
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✍🏽: @lukegeraty in "The Gift of Encouragement from the Great Encourager"  Continue reading at newidentitymagazine.com⁠ by visiting the link in our bio and tapping on the image.⁠
📷: Photo by Lum3n from Pexels⁠
Everything sad will come untrue because we are not Everything sad will come untrue because we are not doomed to be forever parted with those we love, nor will our souls simply turn to dust and fade with the memory of those we leave behind.⁠
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✍🏽: @slimkeman in "Memorable Middle Earth - Why I'm Always Tolkien In Movie Quotes"  Continue reading at newidentitymagazine.com⁠ by visiting the link in our bio and tapping on the image.⁠
📷: Photo by Dirk Förster from Flickr
"Remembering God's promises and his faithfulness a "Remembering God's promises and his faithfulness as a community will help us to endure our sorrows for the night, for joy comes in the morning." @slimkeman from his article The Beauty of Community & The Beast of Isolation 🌤 Can you name some of God's promises that keep you encouraged and grounded? We'd love to hear in the comments below - and just maybe it might be the hope someone else is needing right now! 🤗⁠
“Every night I lie in bed, the brightest colors “Every night I lie in bed, the brightest colors fill my head. A million dreams are keepin’ me awake. I think of what the world could be, a vision of the one I see. A million dreams is all it’s gonna take. A million dreams for the world we’re gonna make.” ⁠
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As P.T. Barnum sings these words to Charity in the beautiful montage of their young lives, we are captivated by the hope that they share, the possibilities of their bright future, and the chance of their love overcoming the wall between privilege and poverty that keeps them apart. The Greatest Showman asks us to wrestle with the quest for the holy grail of our modern world: success and happiness. ⁠
What is the good life? If a million of our wildest dreams came true, would we truly be happy?⁠
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In Jesus, we find a man who invites us into his presence with these words: “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest” (Matthew 11:28). He is the only one who can fill “the infinite abyss” of desire in our souls. When you have fully devoted yourself and your dreams to your Creator, you will discover that “everything you ever want” and “everything you ever need” is “right here in front of you” in Christ Jesus.⁠
{Steve Limekman}⁠
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✍🏼: by @slimkeman in “The Greatest Showman”  Continue reading at newidentitymagazine.com by clicking on the link in our bio ⁠
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📸: from newidentitymagazine
Every day in sub-Saharan Africa, one child in ten Every day in sub-Saharan Africa, one child in ten under the age of five dies of a preventable cause, and nearly every day in America eight in ten adults consume coffee. What do these numbers have to do with each other? A lot, according to the One Cup Project, which is using America’s love for coffee to reduce the number of children dying in Africa by converting coffee profits into life-saving aid.⁠
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The One Cup Project started in 2010, when Christian Kar, the founder of an award-winning Seattle-based coffee company, partnered with the Christian humanitarian aid organization, World Vision.Remarkably, every dollar spent on One Cup Coffee generates a dollar of aid for Africa.⁠
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Buy some coffee, put up a post on your Facebook page, ask your church, local café, or workplace to change their coffee, or run a One Cup Fundraiser. In doing so, you just may help hurting people find healing, hope, and life. Change the world for the better, one cup at a time.⁠
{Thame Fuller}⁠
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✍🏼: @thamefuller in “One Cup Project”  Continue reading at newidentitymagazine.com by clicking on the link in our bio or click on this link to take you directly to the One Cup website: https://onecup.org/our-story/⁠
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📸: by @AftaPuta from Pexels
When someone accepts Jesus, they leave their old p When someone accepts Jesus, they leave their old priorities behind and make Jesus the center of their life. Jesus calls each of us to share the good news with the world. He came to give living water to a thirsty world, and we have the honor and privilege of sharing his message by the power of the Holy Spirit (John 7:37-39).⁠
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The most important thing you can do is enter each conversation with a posture of prayer. Pray for the person you’re sharing with, that God would open their heart to accept him. Pray that God would give you the words to say. And a loving way to say them.⁠
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Expect God to work in your relationship and use you to share Jesus through your friendship in his own timing. No matter how long you have been a believer, you can share Jesus with the confidence that he is with you and that he will use you for his glory.⁠
{Eric Gulley}⁠
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✍🏼: Eric Gulley in “Sharing Your Faith”  Continue reading at newidentitymagazine.com by clicking on the link in our bio ⁠
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📸: by @OliverSjostrom from Pexels
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