New Identity Magazine

God in focus. World in scope.

  • About
  • Grow
    • Spotlight: In Perspective
    • Growth & Maturity
    • Foundation
    • Practical Application
    • Jargon
  • Connect
    • Community
    • Discovering God
    • God Talk
    • Life Together
  • Live
    • Give Back
    • People
    • Culture & Creativity
    • Careers & Callings
  • Back Issues
  • Write
    • Submit an Article
    • Writer’s Guidelines
    • House Style Guide
    • Content Submissions Agreement
    • Jargon Substitutions
  • Shop
  • Donate
  • Contact

GOOD GRIEF

By Sarah Mariano Leave a Comment

Photo Credit: Davi Ozolin @ Flickr (CC)

My dear, sweet friend, Lorrie, passed away a few weeks ago, and that is something I am not okay with. I will never be okay with it. Not because she had more life to live here on earth, though she did, nor because there isn’t anything beyond this life, because there is, but because death exists. Death exists and it shouldn’t.

When God created us, he didn’t create us to die. He created us to live with him. He created us to enjoy the most full, satisfied, peaceful existence possible, and he created that to be everlasting. But he gave us a choice: choose life and love with him, or choose our own way with death and destruction at its heels. We chose wrong. And now because of our sin, our error, people die. Lorrie died. She shouldn’t have died. It wasn’t right.

But that is exactly why God sent his son, Jesus, to defeat death, by living a perfect, sinless life and then dying in the place of all the sinners, overcoming sin, paying the penalty for our sin, which is death, and fulfilling the requirements of the law the way we never could. For his glory, he made a way for us to live again as he intended: eternally in his presence.

Still, death exists. This doesn’t mean Jesus’ death was insufficient. His death was more than enough. However, we are still working out the effects of his sacrifice. The world has been given the grace of God, but now it must take effect. This means that sin is being uprooted still, a process that will continue until Jesus returns to send Satan into the fiery pit of hell and to call the righteous to himself, those who believed in him and called upon his name (Hebrews 9:28). My friend, Lorrie, is among those, so I should rejoice.

gq1

But I don’t feel like rejoicing. She was here, with her family and friends, she lived out the gospel, she was wonderful, and I didn’t want her to leave. Selfishly, I wanted her to stay because then I wouldn’t feel the guilt of having not called enough, not prayed enough, not cared enough. God says all things work for the good of those who love him, he means it (Rom. 8:28), but I want her not to be gone.

But she is, and I hate it. It isn’t right. Death isn’t right, and we should grieve. Jesus did. Lazarus had been dead four days, his family was grieving, and instead of reassuring everyone that everything was fine, Jesus wept (John 11:35). He knew he was going to raise Lazarus from the dead in just a short time, but he wept anyway because death is not right. It isn’t what God wants for us, and it does not please him. It’s a reminder of the sin in the world. However, Jesus knew he was stronger than death, which is why he could go forth and call Lazarus from the grave. Because of Christ’s strength and sacrifice we can rejoice and have peace that death is not the end, and it cannot hold those who believe in him.

But I think it pleases God when we grieve death, even the death of a believer, because it is a reminder that the fight isn’t over. Death reminds us that sin is still in the world and that we are not yet living the fullness of our salvation, though we are saved and enjoy the benefits of it continually. These benefits of salvation include peace, joy, love, and hope, as well as so many other blessings. Matthew 5:4 (NIV) says, “Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.” Grief isn’t something we should shun, but something we should embrace. We should grieve all the more over the death of an unbeliever, because it is a reminder that there are those who choose to live without God, and some who have never heard of him, who cannot call upon his name to be saved because they do not know it. Yet that should not discourage us. It should grieve us, but that grief should motivate us to share the story of the cross and fight for truth and justice in the world.

The good news is that though we grieve, there is hope in Christ Jesus, our salvation. We grieve over sin in the world, but we do not have to grieve forever, because, when it comes to sin and death, we are victorious over sin in Christ, and one day we will be restored. We will be united in Christ. Every tear will be wiped way. Our pain and suffering will be no more. We will be made white as snow. We will enter into the presence of God and will be accepted, delighted in, loved. We will have no cause for grief, and death will never touch us. “He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away” (Rev. 21:4 ESV).

But this doesn’t negate the pain now. I spent a lot of years feeling guilty because I mourned although I knew the promises of hope, so I shoved the grief down, pretending it didn’t exist. My heart grew dark and bitter, until it was hardened to love out of the fear of loss and inadequacy. I wouldn’t accept God’s love because I felt unworthy of it. And I am, and we all are. No one can earn salvation.

gq2

But I let the knowledge of my unworthiness convince me that I was too far gone for God’s love. I was too untrusting, ungrateful, unbelieving, because I knew about salvation but couldn’t act like that made everything okay. I knew the facts, and yet I felt pain; I believed that therefore, I must not really have been a child of God, because God’s children are given faith (Eph. 2:8). Yet grieving isn’t the same as unbelief. Unbelief despairs that there is no hope; grief based in hope cries because hope promises better. Grief still believes that the promises will be fulfilled, but it acknowledges that we are still waiting for Christ to return and reconcile all things to himself (Colossians 1:20).

We cannot tell a person how to grieve; only that grief is permissible, even good. Christ’s death on the cross allows us to grieve because it is our source of hope; otherwise, we could only suffer and despair that life is cruel and capricious. Because of the freedom and hope of the cross, we can lament the pain of this world in whatever way we need to. We can share the deepest sorrows of our hearts with each other when we feel angry, alone, afraid, cheated. Staying in those emotions would turn into despair, but we can communicate those things to each other and to God because they are valid. The Psalms are full of grieving, and full of angry questions towards God, and people of God wrote those psalms. Grieving, however unfaithful it may seem, is allowed, and even encouraged in scripture. The interesting thing about these psalms is that they were communal, meant to express individual and community lament. They encouraged grieving with others, and they expressed that grief towards God, knowing he was their hope and salvation.

Grief doesn’t ignore hope, but it does face the pain. Often in our pleasure-seeking culture, we want to medicate the grievers with our happy sentiments meant to lift the spirits and get things moving again. Grief is uncomfortable; it is slow, and sickening, and sad. It confronts sin and death, things we would rather ignore. He’s in a better place. Or She’s with Jesus now. We often cling to these phrases as life preservers in the uncharted waters of comforting someone experiencing loss because they don’t know what to say. Believers know these phrases, and the truth they contain, but repeating them like a mantra won’t make the loss disappear, and it won’t make the pain any easier to bear. These statements, when uninvited, can come across as belittling the griever’s struggle or belittling their faith. These helpful reminders can then lead to shame, guilt, and hiding.

I remember feeling pathetic for still suffering over my father’s death, feeling inadequate, unworthy, and guilty because those statements weren’t enough to quell the storming sadness, the gasping, aching loneliness that tugged at my mind even though those around me spoke of hope. It took years for me to learn that I had a right and an obligation to grieve. My dear friend Lorrie played a huge role in that discovery, and later, her sickness and death would serve as a direct application for everything she taught me. The irony is not lost on me.

Community comes alongside one who grieves. It mourns with those who mourn and rejoices with those who rejoice (Romans 12:15). Our hope allows us to confidently acknowledge the pain in this world because we know it will not last, and it does not defeat us. The triumphant believers can face loss knowing they have already won.

If you are grieving, then grieve knowing you are safe in the person and work of Christ because he has defeated death and given us the promise of eternal life with him, and because your grief does not disqualify you from life with him. Grieve freely, grieve passionately, and grieve for as long as you need. His sacrifice is sufficient for you, and your grief does not lessen your faith in him or your place in his fold. God has said he will turn our mourning into gladness (Jer. 31:13), but he did not say it would be overnight.

If you know someone grieving, come alongside his or her grief in whatever ways you can. Follow your strengths. If you are not an emotional person, then offer to cook meals, clean, run errands, etc. If empathy is your strong suit, offer your heart and your time. But above all, pray that God may be glorified in the grief and that the grieving does not turn to despair. Not only are our prayers heard by God, they do much to change our own hearts to make them align with God’s plan for us. He is the author and perfecter of our faith (Heb. 12:12 NIV), and he will be glorified through his people.

GOOD GRIEF - New Identity Magazine

Share with friendsShare on Facebook
Facebook
Pin on Pinterest
Pinterest
Tweet about this on Twitter
Twitter
Share on Reddit
Reddit
Email to someone
email

Filed Under: Connect, Featured, Life Together Tagged With: Issue 26

Related Posts

  • BEYOND SUNDAY MORNINGSBEYOND SUNDAY MORNINGS
  • WASHED IN THE BLOODWASHED IN THE BLOOD
  • FEAR THE LORD?FEAR THE LORD?
  • HIS & HERS (GENDER ROLES SERIES)HIS & HERS (GENDER ROLES SERIES)
  • Happy Spring! The New Issue is Here!Happy Spring! The New Issue is Here!
  • Elevating EasterElevating Easter

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

  • Email
  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • Pinterest
  • RSS
  • Twitter

Current Issue

Current Issue

Read Now

newidentitymag

New Identity | Exploring Faith
We hope you enjoy the new issue! Check out the lin We hope you enjoy the new issue! Check out the link in our bio! Happy Fall/Winter! 🍁
We're looking for volunteer writers to contribute We're looking for volunteer writers to contribute to the next issue! If you're interested in writing on this topic, please leave us a comment! ✨
We're looking for volunteer writers to contribute We're looking for volunteer writers to contribute to the next issue! If you're interested in writing on this topic, please leave us a comment! ✨
How should we be using our money? - We're looking How should we be using our money? - We're looking for volunteer writers to contribute to the next issue! If you're interested in writing on this topic, please leave us a comment!
We're looking for volunteer writers to contribute We're looking for volunteer writers to contribute to the next issue! If you're interested in writing on this topic, please leave us a comment!
We're looking for volunteer writers to contribute We're looking for volunteer writers to contribute to the next issue! If you're interested in writing on the topic of praying continually and what that can look like in our fast-paced society, please leave us a comment! 😊
We're looking for volunteer writers to contribute We're looking for volunteer writers to contribute to the next issue! If you're interested in writing on this topic, please leave us a comment! ✨
Happy Spring! Enjoy the new issue! #linkinbio Happy Spring! Enjoy the new issue! #linkinbio
Our striving to be like Jesus or do his work on ou Our striving to be like Jesus or do his work on our own is in vain. We can never hope to achieve the same level that Jesus was on while we are still here on Earth. We’re like little kids, struggling just to walk. But that’s why Jesus gave us an example of redeemed followers in the form of the Apostles, who were his close group of students here on Earth. He chose a group of broken, sinful men, and ultimately shaped them into the group responsible for continuing his ministry here on Earth. ⁠
.⁠
.⁠
.⁠
.⁠
.⁠
✍🏽: Tim VanDeWalker in "Running By Example" | Continue reading at newidentitymagazine.com⁠ by visiting the link in our bio and tapping on the image.⁠
"Do your little bit of good where you are; it's th "Do your little bit of good where you are; it's those little bits of good put together that overwhelm the world." –Desmond Tutu
The Bible tells us to live in the world, but not t The Bible tells us to live in the world, but not to become like it. The New Living Translation puts it this way, “Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think” (Rom. 12:2a). Some have interpreted this as an instruction to reject anything that isn’t explicitly Christian. But I don’t think that’s what this verse is getting at. I think it means much more.⁠
.⁠
.⁠
.⁠
.⁠
.⁠
✍🏽: Lindsey Beharry in "Choosing Wisely" | Continue reading at newidentitymagazine.com⁠ by visiting the link in our bio and tapping on the image.⁠
If you desire to serve, seek to form groups withou If you desire to serve, seek to form groups without age distinction. Maybe you want to form a group in your church. Avoid just inviting members from your age group. Seek out people older and younger than you to invite to meet together. Find that person who sits alone and talk to her or him. Instead of a focus on building groups that have the same characteristics to “relate” with one another, you center your discussion in the work of Christ. He will bring the group together. ⁠
.⁠
.⁠
.⁠
.⁠
.⁠
✍🏽: Russell Almand in "Community and Age Diversity" | Continue reading at newidentitymagazine.com⁠ by visiting the link in our bio and tapping on the image.⁠
"If we put our faith in temporal things, they will "If we put our faith in temporal things, they will inevitably let us down. They were never meant to be enough for us. Not alone. When Barnum finally does hit bottom, he recognizes that his heart has been led astray, fooled into thinking that fame or fortune could satisfy him."⁠
.⁠
.⁠
.⁠
.⁠
.⁠
✍🏽: @slimkeman in "The Greatest Showman" | Continue reading at newidentitymagazine.com⁠ by visiting the link in our bio and tapping on the image.⁠
"Porn. We are only now beginning to realize the ex "Porn. We are only now beginning to realize the extent of its effects on the brain, relationships, and society at a time when sexually explicit content is just a click away. Christians have recognized pornography’s negative impact for decades, yet it is still often considered a “male” problem within the Church. This can leave women who struggle with porn addiction feeling isolated and alone. The organization SheRecovery (formerly Dirty Girls Ministries) aims to change that and has become a resource for women with porn addiction. You can read more about their ministry at the link in our bio. ⁠
.⁠
.⁠
.⁠
.⁠
.⁠
✍🏽: Lisa Gagnon in "Dirty Girls Ministries" | Continue reading at newidentitymagazine.com⁠ by visiting the link in our bio and tapping on the image.⁠
"The presence of my sin reminds me of my great nee "The presence of my sin reminds me of my great need for grace, and good works are the outpouring of a grateful heart; being a good child is not a means of earning the favor of God."⁠
⁠
.⁠
.⁠
.⁠
.⁠
.⁠
✍🏽: Sally Blotzer in "Forgiving Failure" | Continue reading at newidentitymagazine.com⁠ by visiting the link in our bio and tapping on the image.⁠
"As Christians, we identify ourselves not only by "As Christians, we identify ourselves not only by how we handle our daily lives, much like those around us, but also by an added component: our faith. How we pray and worship and spend time with our fellow followers provides additional meaning to our lives."⁠
.⁠
.⁠
.⁠
.⁠
.⁠
✍🏽: Matthew Hamilton in "Does Your Form Determine Your Function?" | Continue reading at newidentitymagazine.com⁠ by visiting the link in our bio and tapping on the image.⁠
📷: Photo by Lum3n from Pexels⁠
Often I picture Jesus telling us to love others an Often I picture Jesus telling us to love others and not to judge. I forget that when he said, “Come follow me,” he wasn’t just inviting us to a strict set of rules but to a real and exciting life whether you turn out to be a pastor, a doctor, designer or simply “Dad.” Sometimes I forget one of his main messages was that he came to give us a better life than we could ever dream of—life to the fullest. Jesus wasn’t locking us down to a vocation or job title. It’s as if he was saying, “Real, vibrant life is available to you now. Following me, loving me and living like me is your real calling…the rest is just there to aid you in following, loving and living.”⁠
.⁠
.⁠
.⁠
.⁠
.⁠
✍🏽: Wendy Van Eyck in "Living For A Purpose" | Continue reading at newidentitymagazine.com⁠ by visiting the link in our bio and tapping on the image.⁠
Like Morpheus, I want to “show you how deep the Like Morpheus, I want to “show you how deep the rabbit hole goes.” There is yet another parallel between the Christian story and The Matrix, simultaneously the most foundational and the most captivating. It’s that something which is missing, something which is not quite right with the world. You can’t quite put your finger on it, but you know that it’s there. At the outset of the first film, Neo is searching for it. Trinity asserts that “it’s the question that drives us.” Morpheus claims that “you can see it when you look out your window or when you turn on your television. You can feel it when you go to work, when you go to church, when you pay your taxes.” The question is: What if I’ve only ever scratched the surface of all that life has to offer? What if there is a deeper, truer current of reality, ever-present behind all of my life’s experiences, to which I might awaken at any moment?⁠
.⁠
.⁠
.⁠
.⁠
.⁠
✍🏽: @slimkeman in "Tumbling Down The Rabbit Hole" | Continue reading at newidentitymagazine.com⁠ by visiting the link in our bio and tapping on the image.⁠
"I’ve always been intrigued by Augustine because "I’ve always been intrigued by Augustine because we all struggle with temptations to sin. And we all struggle to live in a way that honors God. Like Augustine we all feel the tug of our past sins that say, 'Don’t you want to enjoy us?' And Augustine’s story relates to Galatians 5:16-26 where Paul tells us about how the Christian life is like a walk. In a way, walking is a metaphor for the Christian life." ⁠
.⁠
.⁠
.⁠
.⁠
.⁠
✍🏽: @the_christopherscott in "In Step With the Spirit" | Continue reading at newidentitymagazine.com⁠ by visiting the link in our bio and tapping on the image.⁠
"The Holy Spirit empowers us for Christ-like livin "The Holy Spirit empowers us for Christ-like living, and for serving others." Where in your life or in what ways has the Spirit enabled you this week? We'd love to hear, tell us in the comments below!⁠
.⁠
.⁠
.⁠
.⁠
.⁠
✍🏽: @the_christopherscott  in "In Step With the Spirit" | Continue reading at newidentitymagazine.com⁠ by visiting the link in our bio and tapping on the image.⁠
Load More... Follow on Instagram

Subscribe

More Articles

WOMEN IN CHURCH LEADERSHIP

If you want to get a group of Christian women — or men, for that matter — talking, then just bring up the question of whether or not women should be allowed in … [Read More...]

The Fatal Flaw in the Philosophy of the Force

“The Force is what gives a Jedi his power. It surrounds us and penetrates us. It binds the galaxy together,” says Obi-Wan Kenobi, in A New … [Read More...]

New Issue is Out Now!

Check out the Spring/Summer 2020 Issue! READ ONLINE + DIGITAL DOWNLOAD + PURCHASE A PRINT COPY Happiness & Blessing: Encouragement and Joy in the Christian … [Read More...]

Copyright © 2022 New Identity Magazine. All Rights Reserved · Log in